Hey SL, yeah. EAs are really tricky animals. Purely a perception thing in most peoples eyes. Like a MLC, many people don't believe there's such a thing as EA or MLC.
MWD is fairly clear that "snooping" (ie. secretly going around and checking stuff out on our own, would be my definition and I THINK the one MWD might use) is harmful to the BP in the sense that we may find MORE than we bargained for or maybe even find nothing at all, so the guilt of snooping would be compounded by lack of evidence (maybe we didn't snoop properly?) and lastly I would guess that that snooping takes the focus off working on us, which is a large component of DB.
In my case like yours SL, I never did find any damning evidence that the EAs went to PAs. And the EAs could have been interpreted as benign. There are those who will say that if there's suspicion, it's probably an EA. If it's a fairly certain EA, it's probably a PA. And so on. For me, the reason to stop snooping was I was fairly certain it was at least an EA, it hurt nonetheless, and my W denied that what I actually saw between her and OM1 was absolutely nothing. I could very easily be convinced that the EAs that I am convinced ARE real... are really just a figment of my imagination.
Obviously, gathering information is more an aspect of figuring out if there is something going on, just to confirm. My opinion is, once there's confirmation... then what? Keep snooping?
For those who keep watching that, and I have to say it would have been a full time focus for me, I suppose it would be to see if or when the A ends.
So... IDK... I asked my W, she denied, I know what I saw and believe it was an A, and in the end... it's her either saying nothing happened or it was OK because she didn't feel M vs. me saying it was and it was unacceptable...
And it ends in a stalemate of two prideful, stubborn people with no resolve... my efforts could have been focused on more productive DB efforts... and ultimately were...
