KD - I've "snooped" if you want to call it that. I called it research. W and I always shared passwords and accounts, and at one time our calendars were synched up (though she probably had forgotten this). I discovered things that upset me, then had to carry that inside me, silently, because of how I found out. That was VERY tough. But I needed to know if I was, frankly, losing touch with reality. I never discovered anything I didn't already "know" from Ws actions and outward behaviors. But having the "facts" made more of an impression on "just-the-facts / don't-give-me-your-feelings" W. I suppose I should be grateful that we had established some basic unspoken rules about our phone and computer accounts - phone and web accounts were often left open, by both of us. I never had to log our activity. Maybe because W didn't think she was doing anything wrong....a hallmark of an EA, right? Other situations are different.
I have a rather over-developed sense of what's right and wrong - and I never felt I crossed a moral/ethical line. I wouldn't even if the roles were reversed.
As for what exactly to do in response to my situation, well, I spent plenty of time considering my options. I suppose it's true about most As ending after six months.....but in my case my W will be working with this crew for perhaps the next twenty years. Even if it ended for her, it wouldn't have ended for me. If I thought I could compete with Ws EA/career - that I'd have won - I might have made her choose right away. But I wouldn't have won. In my case "exposing" her EA to friends wasn't necessary - they saw it as clearly as I did. I needed time to get myself together - either to win the battle, or just survive the war. I don't know that I'll win, but I know I'd survive now. On bad days, I think about how much time I've wasted, and the years I just KNOW the stress has taken off my life. I can feel the resentment and get twisted up inside. On good days I'm actually grateful for all this - I can see how I've grown. I like who I am now. And I feel like I've finally become a man in full. Nowadays, I'm trying to just have more of those good days than bad.
