Dear Accuray, it's extra special for me that you took the time to post , since I know that you really need time away from the boards right now. Thank you
I was glad to read your perspective on this issue. I don't feel guilty about lying all these months - I understood full well that it was necessary.
I guess my dilemma is what happens when the lies come out? It's not in my experience to have knowledge about that as I have never encountered this sort of thing before, but I suppose the lesson here is that instead of fearing the worst, I should instead be prepared to support s if that is what happens.
H and i did agree that we would decide together how and when s would have ow enter s's life. this happened on friday morning during the filing for D discussion, I do believe that that played a role in him changing his plans and telling ow not to come, after he promised me that.
so he is expecting that that is how it will happen. I now have this other info and i suppose the best thing to do would be to let him know that this is a possibility and see how we should deal with it.
i like the analogy you made about the stress ball - it is how i am beginning to feel now - differently than before, when i could quite easily hold it together on this issue. it was clear then that i was doing it for a specific reason.
but now when h has declared recently that he wants to make his r with ow more public, i suppose i don't know where s stands in this. or where h does any more either since it seems to be ending.
actually, the challenging times here are that i don't even WANT to deal with this mess - i didn't create it, it's not mine, but at the same time this IS my son
i would much much rather he didn't know anything whatsoever about the affair, and that's what i have been trying to keep it at for 11 months. and if for some reason it needs to be talked about with him,it is more h's fear that s will take it negatively and blame h than it is mine. i have no intention of implying in any way that this is only h's fault - the affair that is.
i do believe that h and i will need to talk to the child therapist about how to approach this with s. it remains to be seen whether h will go together or not
thanks accuray zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
