Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Accuray]

Great debate KD,

Have you read Dr. Harley's take on it on the marriage builders website? He offers some advice that is consistent and some that is contradictory. One bit that is contradictory is that he recommends exposing the affair to everyone -- the WAS' family, clergy in your church, your extended family, friends, etc. The theory is that killing the secrecy of the affair diminishes part of the allure, and the exposure helps it end more quickly. He says "most affairs end within six months of their seeing the light of day (being revealed to their family and friends)".

He recommends two plans for ending an ongoing affair -- Plan A is to offer to work with the WAS to repair the relationship and to treat the situation without recrimination or shaming. (There's more to it). Plan B is basically the LRT where you go dark until all contact with OP is suspended, but he says that Plan B is very risky because the wayward spouse may not return:

"The problem with Plan B is that the unfaithful spouse may not return, nor agree to the plan for recovery, even after the affair has ended. Separation in marriage is always risky because, "out of sight, out of mind." Unless plan A leaves the wayward spouse with the impression that returning home is an attractive choice, separation can become permanent. So before implementing plan B, you want to be sure that the last thing your spouse remembers about you is the care and thoughtfulness you offered in plan A. That way, the separation can help create, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." "

Food for thought, at the point that your spouse is involved with OP, you're in for a marathon, not a sprint, and every stride is up hill.

Accuray