thank you for your kind words of encouragement. i don't often visit here as i find it just too difficult.. too open..too raw...talking about things i can do to save a relationship that only one of us wants to save. i don't even think it would be that difficult if there was any desire on her part to talk and try.. but there is none at this point. will it be that way for the rest of my life? i don't know.
it's been almost 10 months now. only 6 months without my son and i feel as if my heart or, more accurately, some tender loving part of my heart, has been ripped out and is hidden from me. i miss my son so much and i can hardly call and talk to him. he doesn't talk to me and i understand that.
whenever i call and i hear their life going on.. just their talking and the interaction it reminds me so powerfully of how i've been ostracized from the family, cut off and abandoned. it effects me for days until i have recovered enough to call the next time. it's horrible. i've never really felt anything like this in my life.
i could never, ever, in my life have imagined this happening to us.
