I'm the one that set up the mediation. She had not talked to me really until the drive to the beach last week. She basically was agreeing that she wanted a divorce and she loved the OM. Her issue.
I also cancelled the full week of vacation. I told WW that I was not going to stay the full week and that I had to be at work. I'm very glad I did. I did not tell off my MIL, but I did not stay to continue the craziness and drove home. WW called during the ride home, crying about her MIL and BIL. I just listened and then asked to talk to the children. It's her problem.
Theoden, I am doing most of what you listed, except the last two items of the second list 4 and 5, which sounds like great ideas. In fact my father is telling me they have a group like that which I will go to Thursday.
I've always had confidence issues. I hate confrontation and prefer working things out. But this whole thing is changing how I perceive things. I actually am taking more risks than I did during the marriage and doing the things I've wanted to do. I went kayaking with a group of people I don't know by myself, I am going to walks with another group to handle the evenings. I'm taking my kids to church, which my wife never agreed with as she is Buddhist. I cut out of a vacation which I never did before and did not feel guilty. I'm not there yet, but I feel my confidence growing.
"I feel my confidence growing"...
What it is, is very simple. There were compromises you where forced into which hurt your personal integrity. When you release these compromises that you KNOW is not fair for anyone on the planet to be stuck in, your rewarded with confidence that was always there. In time we learn to not let someone we care about take advantage of us like this in the first place. If they cared, they wouldn't do it. There may be a very special case where you are allowing yourself to get twisted up slightly out of love and helping your partner out, but it's not in allowing them to carry on an affair.
