Very hard to enforce legally (but I agree with Cutter -- I would try anyway).
I'd suggest "Let's run it by a family therapist, as these kinds of things -- helping the kids deal with divorce -- is something I'm sure we can both agree is of utmost importance going forward."
No good FT worth their salt is going to think it's soon enough for the kids to be introduced to OW and her kids!!!
Some times you can beat them with how they appear to look. Like if our friend here was going to push for full custody. Or hint that it may happen.
The lawyers talk. And our wayward gets a lecture from his lawyer at the tune of 400 dollars about not doing anything stupid like this as it will not look good in front of the judge.
A little bit of reality as OW and her kids need to travel 2200 miles.
I also think that this a good time as any to take all the children's identification and if there are passports. Keep them under your safe keeping.
And I would look at getting a 50 mile rule put in place. People in affairs will do stupid things. Such as this introduction.
Just protect yourself and your children.
As this is a long distance one.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
--We have met with a counselor who had excellent advice on why the kids meeting the OW now would be a BAD idea. He told H to move out of the house to at least start the process of having the kids understand our marriage is ending. (and I believe to make H start experiencing reality). That was in response to H wanting to take the kids to OW's city. This new amusement park idea in our city seems like a "light" version of what H was thinking before.
I continue to think this is a bad idea until we are at least divorced. I just need to decide my response and how to get that across to H. Frankly, the counselor was mainly worried about the kids relationship with H and OW if they introduce the relationship to the kids too soon. I'm more worried about protecting my girls from H's behavior and protecting their view of marriage.
--H doesn't have a lawyer yet. He hasn't made any response to my divorce filing (although our 6 month clock in California is ticking and is up in September)
--My divorce filing says H can't take the kids out of state without permission and he has respected that. You'd have to know H...but I'm not worried about him taking the kids. He has a high profile job and wouldn't want the kids more than he has them now. He has been unwilling to opt for any custody at all--he likes his flexibility.
--The dynamic that I don't understand is that he's met OW's kids (s10, s10, and d13). I'm sure they know he has kids and so it's got to be a little "weird" that his kids are nowhere to be seen. He's been with OW for a year and I think they are more "out of the closet" in her world. For example, she threw a birthday party for him last month.
Ugh.
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
Chatterbug,you could be right...he has a vague notion of what he'll owe in child support (he's paying about that much right now to me by paying most of the rent and utilities on my house). But, when he starts to see the "savings" related to having them more...he may change his tune.
His whole life feels unsustainable unless I cave in and move back to OW's city.
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
He is a grown adult. He can full on experience the consequences of his poor actions.
Why would you sacrifice yourself ? This whole thing goes down now or in a few years. It is far better for you and your children to be brought up in a house that is full of love and honesty than for them to watch their mother waste away to support the habits of a cheating part time husband. You would turn him into a wallet. And no doubt you would live a depressing life of being on the shelf. Possibly medicated.
Best to stand up to this now.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
WEll, since he's gone most of the time, I don't see how he can get enough custody to significantly change child support.
I certainly wouldn't move to OW's city unless there is some reason YOU want to do so. No need to risk running into them at the grocery store, plus uprooting your kids will add to their sense of dislocation.
As for your kids meeting OW's kids - now that your H has moved out and the kids know you are going to get divorced, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Yes, the kids might resent H and/or OW - not your problem! And it might be the dose of reality that it takes for H and OW's Brady Bunch fantasy to implode. (Keep your kids up real late and feed them lots of candy before you send them, lol). I am envisioning a scene from the movie She Devil, where Roseanne Barr burns down her house and then drops her kids off with her ex at his OWs house, thereby throwing a total monkey wrench into their romantic fantasy. All those kids bickering with each other and fighting for attention might pour some cold water on the whole deal.
I'm not moving any time soon. And H would rather live in my city, but his work is primarily in OW's.
I'm in CA. OW is in a cold, midwestern city. The "ironic" thing is that I'm from there, and we lived there for our entire marriage until 2 years ago. So, I have friends and extended family there. And, I'm currently living in one of the most expensive cities in the US--so at some point, I could have a much nicer house, etc. if I moved. I could also return to my former job in that city.
However, now, that place is "tainted" by OW and I have no desire at all to feed into H's choices and make things easy for him.
I'm sort of in agreement with you about the kids, kml. I also just think it's a matter of time before they discover something or he does something else that's stupid. But, I'll express my reservations to him and I am also going to push to settle our finances right now.
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
