Just thought I'd re-post this for possible discussion in this thread as there's many different "takes" on how to handle an A, as interpreted by members of what MWD has written.
So I'm just reposting an observation I made on another thread on this board here, for any who would like to provide thoughts on what MWD proposes when it comes to affairs.
The following are what I read and how I interpret it:
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Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
I just HAD to pull out my DR book again and review the chapter on infidelity. I notice the initial part of it deals more specifically on spouses who are in piecing.
Where it gets interesting for me is on p215 with a section titled "REREAD THE LAST-RESORT TECHNIQUE".
MWD talks about the normal feelings and behaviours such as anger, pleading, etc, she specifically states "... the very first thing yuo need to do is to promise yourself that you will stop chasing, pushing, pleading and pursuing."
On p216 MWD goes on to further write: "I know that stopping the pursuit and interrogation is incredibly hard to do. In fact, if you decide to do it, it will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life."
and
"[i]Since yuo can't approach your spouse with any information you discover, you are only hurting yourself by snooping. You need to figure out what is so darn appealing about this OP."
On p218, MWD begins talk in the Infidelity chapter, regarding the "After the last-resort technique", wherein she indicates:
"Tell your spouse that you love him/her enough that you are prepared to let go, then back off completely." and basically goes on to describe NC, unless there are kids and only talk about the kids when absolutely necessary.
IF this leads to the AP to ask for another change, THEN would come the request for proof that the OP is gone.
Anyhow, I just wanted to put out here what MWD specifically says in the DR book regarding the handling of an ongoing A, prior to any reconnection initiated by the AP.
