MLC with depression....double the fun!

[sweetbabyred]

H's IC recommended that he read "codependent no more". I will read anything, so I checked out a copy myself and realized that I act that way around him. Basically, it's feeling responsible for someone else's life and trying to control them. It's not about your happiness; you can only be happy if they are. Melody Beattie has written a few more books about it and they’re all pretty easy to read.

H has always done whatever his friends wanted and never stuck up for himself. It's easy for me to see that he and other people had no boundaries because I'm pretty independent, but after reading the book I saw that I felt responsible for H and his life because he’s too nice and will do anything for anyone. I didn’t want to see him get hurt.

I've been in this sitch for a year and only last week started to set boundaries. H has a tendency to call me, usually late at night, and be all upset that his friends have used him. Several times he's said that they won't be friends anymore, but after a day or two all is forgiven.

I finally told him that I can't keep hearing him complain about his friends. It frustrates me to hear him so upset, and I can't do anything to change it. So I need to step back from the sitch.

I told him that I still wanted to talk to him and he could call whenever, but that I did not want to hear any more about those friends. He was upset with me, saying that I'm the only one he has to talk to, but I stayed my ground. I was worried that I wouldn't hear from him again, but I had to do it.

I’m hoping that, without me to lean on, he’ll be forced to finally feel his emotions and do something about it. At the very least, I don’t get frustrating news in the middle of the night that disrupts my sleep.

He's an adult, so I can't make him do anything. I just needed to realize that and accept it.

A bubble? I’d probably buy one for my H too if I thought it would work!

Sorry for the long response, but I’m not good at keeping things short.