thinking on new life w/o X

[AJM]

Agreed, although I would add that I think fear is at the root of it all. From what I've seen, it seems to me that fear of aging, death, not having enough of something (love, air, money, admirers, etc) seems to be relevant. At least, it is how I see things.

What I find is that under pressure, we see what makes a person work. Or as you put it, what they truly are, comes out (paraphrased).


But we didn't cause the fear. It's deep seated. At the core. And only the individual can choose to face their fears. If they don't, we see irrational (child like) behavior as they try to alleviate and fight the fears. Or as we also call them, the demons.

It's what helps me to understand people to some degree. I don't want to sound like a despot in the making (ha). But I see people as like children in many cases. Myself included. I see them acting out the "I want!" and "make the monster stop" terms. Watching my ex and others, I have not had a reason to change that "lens" to date.

I see self-centered behavior as coming from fear. For example a person becomes self-centered in their behavior if they fear they won't get "enough" to eat. Or enough air. Or enough of anything they feel they "need". They drop their morals as a result and become a "monster" in their efforts to get what they "need".

Emotional vampire, monster, MLC'r, teenager, etc. We see a lot of facets as they grapple with these fears that drive them.

As for the kids. It's good that he spends time with her. I hope he continues on that path. I strongly encouraged my ex to do that. I made it almost impossible for her to not at least have some interaction with the kids. It was and is tough for me, but I still see the innermost her in how she deals with the kids. I accepted that a long time ago and make sure to be there for the kids whenever and wherever needed. It's temporary since they'll be adults soon and won't need nearly as much of their father as they do now. For a few years at any rate...

Peace,
AJ