You're not obligated to have all this interactions with ILs. She is wrong to have any conversation with you about your M and to discuss any convo she had with H with you.
Nice notice, Brit.
Zig, it might be hard to hear... staying in contact with the ILs is OK and "right" in the sense that you have an R with them and they have an R with your S and what ever is between you and your H is between you and your H.
I say this often regarding people who interfere in the R of two people, especially when there is conflict in a M, and the outsiders think they are being "helpful" and "supportive".
In all fairness, their involvement serves them and that might include manipulation to try to ensure the outcome matches their expectations...
And what ever info that your mil may have shared with you over the past while... is in some ways, equivalent to snooping...
I'm not saying that it was not great for you to have that insight... I wish I had it... but in the end, would it have helped me... or hurt me...?
I can't stop people from sharing info with me, regardless of whether I want them to or not. That's the nature of people.
If you had NO knowledge of any of what you DO now know... what would you know?
You would have no idea that S's cousin might mention OW to S. You would have no idea that H told his mom that he didn't think things would work out. And on, and on, and on...
All you would know is, you are working on yourself and being the best mom you can be, for your S.
My dad just told me yesterday that my sister has an opinion about me in the sense that she believes I am to blame for the breakdown of my M, based on my past...
And I took a moment... a very, very short moment... to process that... and stop thinking about it.
It is possible it's his projection of his opinion on my sister and the reality is, I AM partly responsible for the breakdown of my M and it may or may not have anything to do with my past patterns, although it possibly is, and I'm continuing to fix those.
So really...
The info that he provided to me, while I could have been horribly offended by it... really has no value for me and is not worth holding on to...
