My wife is probably stressed from daily life, and whenever she has a moment of weakness, I'm right there going 'what's wrong ? Are you ok ? Is it something I did ?'
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
How does she react when you tell her that you love her? If it doesn't cause problems or if she seems receptive to you then keep saying it, otherwise stop.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
That sux, bc... still, she appears to be asking for space...
Would you say that your W knows that you love her?
As for the wedding bands... who knows... I'm sure you could figure out if maybe she's just having them cleaned or something... or they are just sitting on the dresser or in her jewellery box...
It could be a symbol of her creating her own personal space to work things out for herself...
Support her... but don't smother her... I'm sure she knows you love her... just show her that you've got things covered while she takes care of her self...
She'll pop out of her depression when she's ready...
She definitely knows I love her.....show her every day in many ways.
One thing she told her mom, is that 'him and I are on completely different levels in this relationship, and I don't know how to or if I can get to his level'
Any thoughts on this ?
Rings are in the jewelry box. She can't wear them to work because the hand sanitizer loosens the settings and gives her ring eczema like appearance.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
Don't really have time for 'me'; one of the casualties of being a dad
Make TIME. Sorry dude, I am single parent with 3 kids and I have found that although it is TOUGH and I know how tough it is…it is also CRITICAL for you to have some “me” time. Oh…and FTR, women find that attractive in a man!
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So what about doing some GAL that involves the kids?
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So GAL, GAL, GAL...
Great advice from Kaffe Diem…just also make sure you have some Me time.
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Level of self worth is low
Probably cause you are NOT taking care of yourself. Look dude…to be a good father..ya kinda have to be a good man..and taking care of yourself is the key to being a good man (I am not saying you are not a good man).
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Don't leave your home or your kids but you may have to leave her side for awhile. One of the biggest mistakes I made in my marriage was that I continued to push her to make a decision. If I hadn't done that she might not have decided to file for divorce. So do yourself a favor, step back, breath and GAL, just make sure that she knows that you are there for her when she is ready.
Bad – please read this ^^^ again!
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Is it something I did ?'
Stop assuming it is YOU. Look dude, I am all for you being there for her but do NOT smother her. You have already said to her that you will be there for her. IMO, you are operating under the FEAR that the past will happen again. Stop it. YOU really have no control over it. The only person you have control over is YOU. So please dude, focus on YOU…go out…give her the space she needs. Make yourself attractive again. If the time seem right, ask her out for a date (no kids). Create a SPARK dude… but before you do that the SPARK has to exist in YOU.
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One thing she told her mom, is that 'him and I are on completely different levels in this relationship, and I don't know how to or if I can get to his level'
If you are talking to the family about it – STOP. Look dude, on one hand you say you want to give her space but on the other hand your ACTIONS come across as if YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN FIX IT.
Look at her words….she is not sure if she can get to his level….if she knows how to.
She is processing dude, allow her to. While she is though you have the PERFECT opportunity to change stuff up a little and create a little more attraction. A nice romantic date, a nice evening of getting busy…(if ya know what I mean). That said, don’t push it but if the opportunity is there – just ask her.
You need to go back to some basics dude….start working out, doing some more stuff for you. You should happy and upbeat…
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
OK, so the matter with the rings is she's not putting them on when she gets home.
From what it seems, she has her reasons and they appear to possibly be related to her depression. That sounds fair, to me.
I admit it bothered me when my W stopped wearing her rings (as opposed to the times they'd come off, then go on, then come off again)... So I get that... Yet, saying anything about them being off OR on... likely just felt like pressure to my W... so I stopped mentioning it... stopped focusing on it...
The rings... as we are told at the ceremony... are A SYMBOL...
What they are not... is a commitment... that only happens through actions... day after day after day...
In regards to her comment about the different levels the two of you are on...
That IS interesting...
Of course, it appears to be worded that she places you in an advanced / higher level than you... even though it could also be that she feels you are somehow below her... it would of course be strange for her to WANT to lower herself... So I'm guessing that would not be the case, rather it is the former...
So...
What are your options?
+ lower yourself to her level? It might sound like a bad thing. Still, what it simply could mean is that you behave more like a friend, than an H. It think maybe in some ways, this might be positive and something to investigate a little.
+ just simply do not pressure her into "getting to your level". She has some perception of what "level" you are at, in the R / M.
IDK, man... it all still just points back to her depression speaking...
So I still just think, as much as it sux, to just back off and give her space. BE as you would in day to day life. Cleaning, cooking, all that stuff... it needs to be done, whether she was there or not... but maybe you're stepping up TOO much... if you are cleaning every day, leave it a bit... give her a chance to step into it...
KWIM?
You want to support her, but not enable her, yet not smother her...
