Another drastic change happened over the weekend. On friday OM went to my W work and left a note on her truck saying that "he loves her, and needs her in his life and a phone number for her to call him. W called me and told me about it, I asked her how she was doing and she said she was scared. It was about our time to get out of work, and since we work just blocks away from each other I drop by her work to make her feel safe. After that we went home. For a long time she has the custom of drinking some wine on fridays, but has never gotten drunk. This past friday she did get drunk, and so did I. we started arguing, for what I remember I tried avoing any conversations about OM, but DB was not present that day. I did not scream and stood calm on that aspect but I was constantly asking her if she was ok, if she really wanted to work on our R. She was answering, and instead of me just STFU I kept on asking her the same questions. She said, "ok if it wasn't because he hit me, I would have chosen him. I still love you, but there is something missing between us." That was the end of the conversation. I did not want to screw things up more than that. I got my answer. Even though it hurts, I know where I am standing in my R. As I mentioned on my last email, she has being doing some stuff for me, like cooking, doing my laundry, and she has even told me that she loves me. I do believe on all this things, I just did not want to take them see as if everything is "like peas and carrots" again. On Saturday when we woke up, she asked me about our discussion, and that she felt she said things she shouldn't have said. She said that everything was going to be ok, and that she really wants to work things out with us. Her attitude has changed since friday, she is more quiet, and does not engages on any communication. If I ask her something is just a simple yes or no. She apologizes about everything, and excuses her self by saying that she is tired or has a headache. She again tells me that everything is ok, and that with time we will be ok.
There was a golden wedding on her part of the family, so I had bought her a nice skirt and blouse for her to wear, but I wanted to surprise her with a white dress, so I bought her the dress. She really, liked it and was happy about the dress that she went and showed it to her mom and all the family that came for the wedding. There was a comment somebody made about the dress being more beatiful than the wedding dress. So she decided not to wear it. She said, she will use this dress when we get married.
I am telling you all this because my mind is not clear enough to digest the information she is telling me. She is telling me she rather be with OM, but she is also telling me she is willing to work things out between us, and that someday we will get married. It is pretty confusing, so I am counting on your experience to shed some light on this turmoil.
One other thing that happended, 2 fridays ago when OM grab her hair and punched her she said that he also took her phone. Yesterday she had to work and when she got paid she said, the lady who gave her the check also gave her the phone the OM took away from her. As I said before, I do not rule this SOB out of our lives any soon, and also do not rule the temptation of my W to get in contact with him. She said she is done with him and I want to believe on that, I just do not believe is going to happen this quick.
She said she was going to reconect her phone. I asked her if she was going to use the same number, she asked why? I said, because I believe he will call you to this phone or text you, and if you do not want any contact with him it would not be of a good idea to have the same number. I said that it was her decision, and that I would respect it, but I was just letting her know my feeling too.
I really need some good solid advice here. I really do not know if I am saying or doing the right things.
The one thing I know for sure I did wrong is getting drunk and pressuring her to tell me how is she feeling. I am stopping that and STFU and wallow my desire to ask her about OM, so that way I will not be pushing her from me again.
One other thing, I know all of us lie to protect or not to hurt somebody. I believe my W is been telling half-truths. When she said that OM went to the house and got violent when she told him it was over between them. She also told her 24 yrs old son, and as I mentioned he is living at the house since the time I left and has taken care of the rent. This saturday when W and I had our discussion, he talked to me. He wants to protect her M, and actually my R with her mom. He believed I did not know about OM, and he was trying to keep me from knowing that. He said that when OM punched my W, they were at OM house. This is being bothering me, and I want to just let it go and continue with my life. The things that bother me about this is "Is she liying to protect me, not tu hurt me anymore? Is she liying to protect her self, and have the security that I will be there for her? I know I should not struggle with this things.
I do not have a clear head right know, and do not want to screw things up. I am just STFU, and being patience. Please, some words of wisdom will definetly help a lot right now, thanks.
