Interesting weekend to say the least. Friday we had massages...followed it with early dinner, a movie at home, and then she slept in the same bed. Sat we did a big breakfast for the kids and had some mimosas. There was much flirting, mostly on my part, and yes, it was pursuing, but I kept it light and fun. I had said something about kissing me and she said "did you think this would fixed in a week?" and then "I have enough things to figure out without you getting in my head." I just rolled with it, as my intention was more fun than pressure. But this slid us into some R talk.
She was fairly irritated that I changed my mind on leaving the house every other week. She indicated she was planning to spend most of this coming week at the house, as it was her week with the kids and she didn't see any other way. I said I was ok with it, but I thought we should talk expectations as I didn't think it was fair for her to simply come and go as she pleased. There were a handful of other things she complained about as well, but all pretty minor and expected given the situation.
We pulled some weeds in yard and then I went in for a shower....she came in, locked the door, and then things got physical. Still no kissing, but it burnt up the rest of our afternoon, all with her leading. I took it at face value, enjoyed the moment, and didn't tie any expectations to it.
Sunday we went to church as a family, did some housework and then just relaxed the rest of the day. We made dinner together, watched some tv together, but there was no more physical contact outside of holding hands in bed. Again, she slept in the same bed.
Throughout the weekend, she was surprisingly available....not too much time on the phone, didn't really go anywhere. My mindset has been to be fun, no pressure, no R talk, enjoy the moments....and I think I did pretty good, definitely enjoyed my weekend. I realized a while ago that I tend to hover...follow her around, go where she goes. I focused on this and intentionally went other places, and let her seek me out instead.
With all that said, I did make a list of non-negotiables for me if she decides she wants to work on it. I pulled together a list of 5 things I will not accept in this marriage. Most I think she would be ok with, but the difficult one for her will likely be no contact with OM. For me, the "I love you" took that beyond acceptable and I don't think I can live with the relationship continuing in any format. However, I didn't share them. I know she will view them as controlling so for now, these are simply for me. I am not going to talk R unless she brings it up.
I am trying to focus on behaving like I would normally, whether she is here or not. I am continuing to read and work on my issues, I'll continue to work out (changing from insanity to p90x next week!), and I'll go do things for myself regardless of her plans. My mindset is really good...sometimes I want it to be different/better, but I just remind myself of all the changes I've made and how much better I feel. I accept it's part of the process and I trust that God has put this challenge in front of us for a reason.
Anyway, that's a ton of info so my apologies for unloading, but it'll probably be a few days before I update unless something dramatic happens. My B is getting married Sat, and kids are registering for school, so busy week in store for us.
