Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

Still trying hard to breathe...

MrBond, Thanks for trying to help I was really emotional and some what hormonal (sorry TMI) which surprised me because that is sketchy for me due to some medical issues. I chilled for the weekend which helped, did some girlie stuff and had some wine.

As for my last post, I know we all make mistakes and I don't deny that he wasn't perfect, I absolutely have my complaints but what I was going through was completely unfair to him. Yes, our MC and my IC know what my issues were and what I'm working on and that I have guilt and remorse associated with the years of severe depression. They know I accept responsibility for the damage I caused. I also know that I didn't make him have an EA+ but I certainly paved the road and marked it with huge arrows pointing the direction.

I think I'm releasing my anger toward my H, I know it will take more than this epiphany a couple of days ago. I have noticed that when we have contact I am less on edge. Maybe, H moving out was something I needed too. I'm trying hard to work the DR. I get so confused though. It's confusing to try and figure out what, of all things I'm reading, is the right approach. I've read 5LL, HTIYMWTAI, Co-dependent no more (reading now), DR, communication miracles, passionate marriage, sexually confident wife, sex-starved marriage, his needs her needs... I've been on so many sites my head is spinning. I admit DR spoke to me the most and HTIYMWTAI provided great insight into the basic motivations of male/female interactions. 5LL just confused me after that, it definitely held great information but seems counter to DR.

I have trouble with trying to figure out what I should and shouldn't do. If he offers up information about his plans can I ask the duration? We have a very inquisitive 6yo S and likes to know when he can see his Dad. Can I ask how long he'll be away?
When he has our S at his new place can I ask what they discussed as far as was said about the new place? I know he is telling S that it is the "guys clubhouse" and that it's there secret (secrets are a big thing for S right now) but has he told S that he is staying at the clubhouse all the time? Do we need to be on the same page when it comes to answering questions for S? Does it all seem like I'm using my S as an excuse to dig for information? I don't know what the right answer is here. He needs his space and privacy to figure things out, what side do I err on? Is it ok to continue to tell S that I don't know or I'm not sure? Maybe I'll wait and ask this question in our MC session. Should I just leave it alone? This is my life sometimes. I'm trying to read Co-dependent no more and indecisiveness and not trusting myself or trying to make decisions to cause change of some sort in H seems to be an issue. It's a tough read for me though.

This site really has be a great source of support and information but I do think I've been relying on it too much. Being here instead of spending time on figuring out how to GAL. I do mostly solitary things. It's hard for me to make new friends and the friends I do have live far from here. I need to figure out how to change that and GALing will be easier. That means being away from this computer and getting out of the house.

Goals for this next week; I will get the paperwork for volunteering at my S's school turned in. I will figure out how to fit running back into my life so I can start my C25K program again. Get better running shoes (shin splints blow). Try to get together with a friend and not talk about my sitch (if that friend has knowledge of it).