This is how it COULD have gone and perhaps you might try it, next time:
Originally Posted By: NASCARDaddy
Me: So when am I watching the kids this week. Her: I do not know. I am not going to the movie with you. You should not even have money. You lied to me. I am so fed up with ALL of it. Me: ok. Me: Let me known when I have the kids this week.
It is up to you to end the conversation, right then and there. If she kept coming at you, you would go to radio silence and turn off all comm devices immediately. And go do something.
And before you get into a...
"but... what if... and here's the reason I... "
Do this, first. Once you get consistent at it, then you can move forward to the... what next part...
Think of it this way, my friend... you've been served... your M is over... what's she going to do? D you?
This isn't about her. This is about you. This is about you learning FIRST AND FOREMOST to stop reacting.
Originally Posted By: NASCARDaddy
Well I think you get the idea. Lately this is how most of our conversations go. When she triggered I felt like she was pushing me into a corner and that I had to defend myself or risk getting trampled all over. The first and strongest emotion going on was fear, mostly fear that I would lose my wife and my kids. And the answer is that I engaged almost immediately. I actually think I could have short circuited the whole thing if I had taken some time to think things through rather than just jumping in head first.
The above is really good noticing.
So fear triggered you to react. At least, you believe it was the fear of losing your kids and your W.
As I mentioned above, you've already lost your W and it will be the courts that will determine your access to your kids, so deal with that, then.
The stuff I bolded above? Brilliant notice.
What are you going to do different, from now on? What will be your "stop sign" that you will notice it is time for you to leave the convo and come back to it later, if necessary?
And... how are some ways you think you could do that?
