Need To Detach, But How?

[NASCARDaddy]

Here is an excerpt from our latest blowup. I am transcribing it exactly as it was texted.

Me: So when am I watching the kids this week.
Her: I do not know. I am not going to the movie with you. You should not even have money. You lied to me. I am so fed up with ALL of it.
Me: I did not lie to you. When I told you I would sign the waiver* I meant it. But things have happened that have changed my mind. Tell me why I should not have money. I figured you would not go to the movie with me after Friday. I am fed up to. What you are doing is not right. I do want to see the kids though so just tell me when I can. No matter what happens between us I will still be their father and you promised you would not keep them from me.
Her: The money was supposed to be spent on the kids. What am I doing that is not right? I do not love you and I never will again. I do not want to be with you and there is nothing that will change it. I deserve better. I will not (keep the kids from me).But they do not feel good when they are with you. So I will figure out when you can this week and it will be at Royal's. (Royal is my brother who I live with right now.)
Me: Charles told me that he saw your profile on at least one dating website. Until the divorce is final you are still my wife and should not be looking for other men. And you can't say that you will never love me because you don't know that. Love and anger are not opposites, love and indifference are. Since you are obviously not indifferent to me then there must still be the possibility of love.
Her: Oh I am indifferent, not angry. I am NOT your wife.
Me: You are my wife until the divorce is final. And you are not indifferent or you would not be acting the way you are. And as for the money, your mom gave it to me and told me to keep it. It was not for the kids.
Her: She did not tell you to keep it. I asked her and then she said why does he have to be such an a-hole but used the other word. Instead of trying to manipulate me, work on supporting our kids and being their dad. we will not be married anymore whether it be in a couple of weeks or couple of months.
Me:You are lying or your mom is lying, one of the two. And you grew up with two of the biggest manipulators ever, by your own admission, so you can't even objectively see when someone is being sincere. You always suspect everyone of being manipulative. I know that I will never change your mind, because you do not want it changed. But that doesn't mean that I will not keep trying and praying to make things better.

Well I think you get the idea. Lately this is how most of our conversations go. When she triggered I felt like she was pushing me into a corner and that I had to defend myself or risk getting trampled all over. The first and strongest emotion going on was fear, mostly fear that I would lose my wife and my kids. And the answer is that I engaged almost immediately. I actually think I could have short circuited the whole thing if I had taken some time to think things through rather than just jumping in head first.