Need To Detach, But How?

[NASCARDaddy]

That is great advice. The problem is that I find myself falling into the same patterns that have pretty much wrecked our marriage. She would push a button, I would feel the need to defend myself, she would continue to push and I would push back until finally I would erupt in anger and storm off yelling and slamming doors. The only advantage that our current situation has is that I can't do that anymore. But I need to figure out how to short circuit the whole cycle if I am going to have a chance for R. I know that it is a process, I am just struggling to be able to start the process and how to keep the process going.