You are still early in your sitch. Detachment takes how ever long it takes for any LBS... still... you can not force it, it will happen...
and you can encourage it to happen...
by not engaging your W with reaction... one follows the other.
Detach and you won't react. Don't react and you are detaching.
48 hour rule. Implement it.
Unless it is something that requires you getting in a vehicle and visiting the hospital because of an issue with one of the kids...
it probably doesn't need to be responded to in the moment. And anything YOU think is urgent... well... it ain't...
Patience...
When she explodes. Do your best to let her vent, and then walk away from the convo. Collect yourself. Decide if anything needed to be responded to (ie. anything that wasn't just blame or projection) such as the next pick up time. And respond once you have thought it through and chilled a bit.
