New to DB

[mamabird]

H's in crisis can be VERY confused. I think my H has wanted change for some time. He would threaten to D me routinely, once a month probably, and I would just ignore it. In hindsight I guess I shouldn't have ignored it and we should have dealt with it.

Anyway, after he discovered my A he took the opportunity to run with it, saying he wanted a D, but I could tell he was not 100% sure about that. About a month in he went on vacation by himself and came back and said definitively he wanted a D. About a week after that, I challenged him on the house situation and told him I was moving back in, and if he wanted to get a D ok. We had a huge fight and he threw my stuff all over the place and called me every name in the book.

Guess what - he called me 3 hours later saying he'd back off the D talk and thoughts if he could just have a little space for a while longer.

So, my point is, hang in there. He is confused, most likely. He may have some physiological factors contributing - hormones, brain chemicals out of whack.

It's going to be tough, no question, but just keep feeding yourself positive thoughts as much as you can, and remember that he's going to be a bit loco for a while. One of the best DB rules is don't believe anything you hear!!

Personally I think if you can be vulnerable with him, it might change your dynamic and break down some of those walls. Choose your moment though. Make sure he can receive it.