Newbie and ready for hard work

[dj21]

Challenged myself yesterday. It is funny how doing something different is so very uncomfortable, almost as though I am being fake, but the outcome is positive. Hhhmm. I spent the day with my D18 and S14, just the three of us. It is very difficult to be with my D18, because of her sudden friendship with the OW. My D18 struggled so much with our family situation, she is very close with her dad and finally was able to verbalize her sadness with her dads choices a few months ago. She told her dad that she was very uncomfortable visiting him with the OW present and her dads reply was "deal with it". So, she did. She moved in with her dad and OW, after being in trouble at home and instantly became buddies with the OW. I can't even begin to express my feelings on that situation. So, being around my D18, is difficult. Yesterday, I was determined to completely enjoy being with my D18. We entered an obstacle course race as a team, something I would never have done prior to this situation. Heights, water, large groups of people, driving in city traffic for 2 hours are things I have always avoided out of fear. I know GAL...so heres the thing, it was fine. It was more than fine, my kids were constantly saying how surprised they were that I was doing those things. My D18 said to me at one point, "what has happened to you?", my S14 said to me "I can't believe your doing this"...We had the best time. My day started off with me feeling extremely uncomfortable, but I acted as if I was confident. Most of the day, honestly was uncomfortable, because I was doing things and acting in a way that was opposite of my norm. I kept pushing through the discomfort and found I like the outcome of my actions much better. Did I spend some moments thinking about my H, yes I did. I thought about how nice it would be to participate in the event together, as a family next year.