A Huddle of Turtles

[zig]

guys - thanks for all the wonderful replies - i don't know if they are as well-deserved as you make them out to be.

i am shitting bricks here - the castle walls are more than cracking - i think they are tumbling down -for me, for h for the whole family


it's like i don't get 24 hrs to catch my breath!!

mil just told me that h talked with her this morning - pretty calmly and basically told her that it was almost over with ow. that ow was really upset and freaking, and she said that he didn't seem to be all that upset himself.

that this trip of hers was not postponed to a later date - he said that he knew he didn't want her coming up here - for the next few months and definitely not while he was living at their house which is at least until december. that basically he had realized that son and his family were more important to him.

i had called because my friend had pointed out to me that there was a very high chance that SIL's girlfriends' little 6 yr old (who h and ow babysat back in march) , could easily let the info about the affair come out to s while they were playing next week.

why did this come up? because s told me yesterday that SIL had called him and told him all about them coming (a few weeks ago) and he was really pumped up about meeting them.

she also told him that h was the only one who had met them, and h had baby sat her.

i called mil to say that i was very concerned that s may find out this way and that's when she told me about h and ow. then she started getting really mad - an twisting stuff i was saying. i stayed really calm and made sure she understood what i was saying. but i really think that her own sh!t started coming up and but by the end of the conversation mil wass f'ing freaking out and started crying and screaming at me that why are you dumping this all on me and then got off the phone after announcing that over her dead body was son going to find out about this in this horrible way and was going to ask both sil and h what the hell they were thinking. we also agreed that i would take s away if necessary - but first she was going to find out from sil whether this kid even remembered all of that trip or talked about it.


aaargh - i think i have to face some part of myself here - i should be the one calling and talking to h honestly about this - i'm too scared to. i even admitted to mil that i was calling to ask her to deal with this because i wanted to stay in the position of being the one not applying any pressure on h right now.

but that is sick - at the expense of my son.

i can't figure out if this is my [censored] to deal with directly or mil's. i have woken up this morning overwhelmed with the fact that i have lied to my s to protect H? for almost a year now. in fact all of us have jumped hoops to keep this a secret and i am sick to my stomach at having had to live like this. i think my intention was that the info would only hurt s terribly - but how much more is is going to hurt if he finds out that all of us lied - ALL OF US?

on top of all that - last night s basically told me that he and i needed to move halfway across the country to that island off Seattle where he visited his friend in march. he basically said he wanted to move there because h had left. i also think he was trying to tell me that he didn't want to live in that house that h is building right now.

i'm trying to stay still - all i can see right now is my son - and how this could hurt him even much more than i thought it would. knowing about the affair is not the issue here. the issue is finding out that all the people who you adore have lied to you.

and the saddest thing - mil and fil lived like that with their children h and sil - and i think that the reason that mil is freaking right now is deep down she knows that that way of functioning just passed on to their kids

my dilemma, in a way here is - how much do i support their lies? how much do i support their wiggling out of the situations they create?

NOT for myself - but for my sons sake..

it's coming full circle, you know? but i'm not in the middle of the circle, so much as on the outside of it looking at the noose tightening.

i think i just opened mil's Pandora's Box...

need to find the zig moment in all of this

i could really use some help here, guys - maybe there's something i wrote here that stands out and you can give me some perspective. it's time for me to find out whether i can practice the real values that i believe in and stand against the crowd? idk

thanks

zig