New to DB

[hopefulinga]

Thank you for the words of wisdom and advice. I do notice the confusion. As I think about the past few years, I think this acutally started late 2010 or early 2011. I've been saying for a few months that he isn't right.

I will look more at the MLC threads. I am also doing some research. I hope I can survive this. Today has been difficult and at times I feel like giving up. I feel blah.

I get that the friend thing is my issue and I've been trying to make it his. I go in waves of it doesn't bother me and then I've had enough.

I do not have either license. I started flying lessons. Right now, I am taking medication that is on the no fly list. So for now, the flying is out of the question. When we first got the bike, I asked about taking an introductory class with the possibility of getting my own bike. He told me I would hurt myself. That doesn't mean I can't go out and do it myself.

He really doesn't fly much at all. He says he will in the fall. I honestly think he may be afraid to fly and ride with me so that I don't get hurt. He was in a plane accident several years ago and that really affected him. For now, his only flying is for business.

I am currently out of town with D. The drive over was painful because I couldn't get him and where we are going out of my mind. When we left, I brought D by the airport to say goodbye. We made some small talk. He really didn't look at me. He started talking about needing to do something before he fell asleep, so I got up to leave before I was asked to do so. However, before I got in the car, he stopped to let me kiss him on the cheek.

For now, I feel like backing off and just not dealing with him, which is difficult. I did try to call him when we got here, because I told him I would so he would know we are ok. We had a 4 hour drive. Also, D is having some problems with her legs and she fell, so I thought he would want to know. No answer. D did talk to him on the ride over.

I also read what you wrote about detaching. I'm trying. Some of it may be pride, not wanting to fail in this relationship. I'm successful in everything else and not used to failing or achieving what I want. That's probably part of our problem. I can't control his half of the success of the relationship and I need to take that to heart.