A Huddle of Turtles

[zig]

thanks for your insight KD - thanks so much.

i know you are in the background , ready to help me through crucial stuff - i so so so appreciate it. in fact so much that i'm going to get all huggy on you

{{{{{{KD}}}}}}

zig

i'm so naive about these things - it never occurred to me that a L may use the fact that we used part of that money for living expenses as a way to get us to split it.

here is the rest of the story - h said specifically yesterday that the reason he didn't want to use L's was because he didn't want people telling us how we could get more out of each other.

about the inheritance - i got it at the beginning of last year and the old zig who didn't want to deal with anything like that asked her h if he would take care of it. so he sweetly trotted down to the investment brokers office and set it all up with my name on it too, brought the papers home for me to sign (yes i was in bad physical shape then ) and took care of following up on it and paying the taxes on time and staying in touch with my mom on all the details

at that time he made it very very clear to the broker, or whatever she's called, the woman who handles the account that this is zig's money and not his. i confirmed that with her last fall - when h was insisting we use some of that money to buy a house for him to live in, i called her to find out if he could just take it out. as soon as she realized that we were separated, she said she had to freeze the account, but i talked her out of it (she's also a close friend of the family's), saying that h would see this as a very antagonistic move on my part, and she agreed that we would leave it that absolutely no moves could be made on his part unless i signed too (but not the other way around)

after h set up the account , for months after, he constantly said to me - look if we ever split up that is your money and i will never touch it. i would just look at him and say - what a weird thing to say, if we split up everything is split down the middle and he would argue with me constantly about it.

well, i do feel differently now, there's no doubt. this situation has made me realize that there is no point in me being naive about these sorts of things. women are not always the one better off after a D and tend to struggle way more financially than men do. that if that is indeed from my parents, it belongs to me, and i don't need to be generous about it.

otoh, h does have access to his parents money, in the sense that if he asks them for help in paying for the D they won't say no. and that's between them.

i will pay for my own L. i don't know how much this job is going to earn me - it's not a salary - it's as she orders, so some months may be great some months not so good. my intention there is to do a really good job and so have her give me as much work as i need to make ends meet and hopefully a little to set aside.

I'm staying still KD - much much more than I ever was able to before.

but oddly enough i'm starting to move away from it all too. i don't know if that's just more detachment or me starting to be really done. even on that i'm staying still





as an additional note to these "recent developments"

mil called to tell me that before h left the house this morning he went to them and said that he had told ow not to come

YAY YAY YAY for my son and for his parents!!

and YAY to me for standing still on this one!!

So h did come through. mil said she took my advice and stayed really quiet and didn't say something like "thank god you came to your senses". he volunteered that he felt much better after doing that and even said, i think i may have an easier day today because i feel a huge sense of relief. then she asked how ow took it and h replied that ow was very hurt, but she would have to deal with it.

he did come over to my house soon after that - (i didn't know about this when he came, only after) and seemed to want to "hover" even asking us what our plans were today. i stayed casual and said we didn't really have any and were just going to hang out and what was he upto. he said quietly looking down, i guess i'll go work on my house... i just walked over to the sink and started the breakfast dishes...