So good to here from you KD. Your words are always insightful. Yes once my W puts her mind to something theres no stopping her. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not.
I so very much needed to hear your words of wisdom tonight. Today I went to a funeral for one of my sons best friends. He commited suicide. He was only 23 years old. My W was also there. It was the first time since the final decree that I had seen her.It was harder then hell. I looked at her and thought exactly what you have said. Would I want to be with her again after all we've been though. I do not know at this time.
Our crops here have been spared the worst of the drought. Things are looking good. With the prices the way they are going, it could be a very good year.
Not sure if the futures have been made yet, but with the drought down south and the excessive rains up here, prices may continue to go up. Hope you get a bumper crop this year.
It was good to see a post from you. I was starting to think you were stuck in a slough in the back 40 or something... lol...
It is too bad to hear about your son's friend. Sometimes accidents happen. When it's suicide, it's tragic. Hopefully your community will rally and help all the young folk through this.
At this time, you now get to make the choices for yourself. Not that you didn't before. But before, you were trying to make a choice to stay M, because that was a possible option, at least in your mind.
You don't have to share details if you don't feel comfortable, but I'm guessing the financial dissolution was a buyout of her? Thus my hope you have a bumper crop... Everything good on that end? The financial dissolution part, I mean...
Make some plans for this fall, after harvest. And/or maybe winter. You're strictly grain, right? You should take some time off and just go do something for you, that is a little out of your norm.
Keep your chin up, my southern friend. Life will get better...
So what do I do now. I'm divorced. Do I belong here anymore? I feel that I have failed to save my marriage. My life isn't a life. It's just surviving day to day. I find no joy in anything. I have much to be thankful for, yet nothing seems to matter without her. I realize how dependent I was on her.
Do I hope that someday she'll be honest with me? Should I want her back? She has hurt me so badly,why would I want her back? Will I ever get to feeling better? I don't like being sad all the time.
I hope some of you can help me. I know that others on this blog have gone through this. I need your wisdom and insight. I am so very sad this morning. I miss her so very much. Can I survive this and be happy?
You already have survived! Now make the decision to be happy and thrive.
Choose to and you will. It will likely not be a dramatic shift. It will likely be a slow change, realized after it occurs.
Dig deep and find your motivation. What is it that will drive your decision? Change how you define happiness.
Your marriage was not yours alone to save. You do not have sole responsibility for its demise or its salvation. A marriage is the joining of two people, two. Both must decide to make it work.
Starsky posted this in another thread and I copied it to my journal. “The whole Jerry McGuire "You complete me" thing is a bunch of b.s., and it's UNHEALTHY. Our spouse cannot be part of our happiness cake. They should only be the frosting.”
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
You already have survived! Now make the decision to be happy and thrive.
Choose to and you will. It will likely not be a dramatic shift. It will likely be a slow change, realized after it occurs.
Dig deep and find your motivation. What is it that will drive your decision? Change how you define happiness.
Your marriage was not yours alone to save. You do not have sole responsibility for its demise or its salvation. A marriage is the joining of two people, two. Both must decide to make it work.
Starsky posted this in another thread and I copied it to my journal. “The whole Jerry McGuire "You complete me" thing is a bunch of b.s., and it's UNHEALTHY. Our spouse cannot be part of our happiness cake. They should only be the frosting.”
You already have survived! Now make the decision to be happy and thrive.
Choose to and you will. It will likely not be a dramatic shift. It will likely be a slow change, realized after it occurs.
Dig deep and find your motivation. What is it that will drive your decision? Change how you define happiness.
Your marriage was not yours alone to save. You do not have sole responsibility for its demise or its salvation. A marriage is the joining of two people, two. Both must decide to make it work.
Starsky posted this in another thread and I copied it to my journal. “The whole Jerry McGuire "You complete me" thing is a bunch of b.s., and it's UNHEALTHY. Our spouse cannot be part of our happiness cake. They should only be the frosting.”
I disagree. Due to your social climate your spouse may be a huge part of your happiness cake. I didn't say it was the best thing, but sometimes it is.
you are all right. I am surviving. And someday I will be happy again. My whole adult life I have depended on relationships with woman to be whole. I have never been alone. I miss that feeling of having someone to share my life with.
It will take special woman. I will be
so afraid of this happening again. After 33 years together you would think that you know someone. I just have to accept what she wants and move on. But we live in a small community. I cant avoid her. When she starts to date or an OW is revealed from before, I dont know how I will handle it. I cant imagine her with another man. Please continue with the advice and incouragement. I am in a bad place right now.
I don't want to worry you, but when cropping ends, you'll have a lot of idle time on your hands.
So, start now. Get yourself focused on really getting out and doing things. Not drinking with the buddies or any of that sort of stuff. As you can afford, go to a local town/city and check out some stuff. Go fishing if you are a solo kind of guy. Go on a vacation. Take a month and do a cheap tour of the US (or visit us up north in igloo land).
I can tell you I've seen too many guys around here who farm and their M's failed and what's left of them is sad... pretty much loners who otherwise farm and drink...
Thanks kd. I haven't posted for a while. I have really been struggling with the divorce. Every morning I.wake up wondering how she could do it. How.she could want out so badly. I've been hearing more from OMs exwife. Its good to hear how she is coping witb her divorce. But I also.hear more stories of my ews.flirting. Also proof that xw and om were talking to each other about their marriage problems, which she told me that they weren't. She has lied to me and I don't do well with that.
On top of everything else I'm afraid. I,ve went and done something foolish. My opposite sex friend.who has been such a help though this ordeal is kind of pulling away.or at least I think so. But rightfully so. She makes.me feel good wh en I'm around her
Sh Tbis summer Ive been able to see her every weekend I think I'm having strong feelings for her and.I think she sees it. She is married but not happily. Her H is alot.like I was. He treats her poorly
She doesn't deserve that. She is such a beautiful person. But I don't think she will ever divorce him. She loves her children too.much.for.that. Wby couldn't my xw.have that attitude. I've decided I probably.better stay.away.for.a.while. I feel foolish.for.letting this happen.
My depression is through the roof and I've had many bad days. KD I'm afraid of becoming one of those farmers of which you speak.
Everything good on that end? The financial dissolution part, I mean...