What's his rush to come to a decision right now anyway? Does he think D will solve his problems? Bc honestly it will add to his financial stress, guilt and heartache.
i wondered about that myself too.
he had tentatively thrown it out there about a month ago (the night we slept together) and then nothing after that.
trying not to mind read here, but after the info i received from mil yesterday - it seems sort of obvious that he's feeling pressured into it by ow.
can't help thinking she's given him some sort of ultimatum - it's been almost a year and it's possible she's said either i see some progress here or we are done.
he's definitely panicking right now, and it's his panic and frenzy not mine.
all i know is that in the last day, the only person he DIDN"T feel pressure from is me. and i intend to keep it that way. all he got from me was love and acceptance.
in some part of his mind, conscious or sub-conscious there may be a budding awareness that ow's pressure is also her not taking his feelings into consideration, only her own that she wants some confirmation of commitment - either in the form of a D or her meeting his family and s.
don't forget that i know her family. i know her mom and she is the sweetest thing on earth - really soft gentle and kind but underneath, one tough independent cookie who don't take no [censored] from men!! while we were there on one trip she had just met this guy who was all over her, and i remember us all laughing and talking about him but also noticing that she was really firm in what she wanted or not. that r was done, in a few months because he was not up to par. i can't imagine her standing by while her daughter is in this r without saying something, even though it is with h who she has always adored.
i'm not really mind reading here - just watching the developments and seeing where they are going. it's almost fascinating!
otoh - what i also remembered was the first mc i went to see - saw him for about 2 months after BD - he said to me, zig, until h realizes that he could lose both of you, nothing is going to change.
i didn't really understand what he meant. i was such a mess at the time, all i could think was, h is never going to lose me. well, i think that time is here - i couldn't even imagine what it would look or feel like, couldn't predict what h would act or sound like - but i think it's here -
he's spinning hard right now
about the D - he's made an appointment for the 21st with the mediator. so first thing monday i need to find an atty and get moving on finding out what my rights are etc etc.
i thought it would be enough to just use the mediator (h said she could do what the L would do, since she's a lawyer also) - but after starsky's post and what i heard from mil yesterday - i'm not going to entirely trust him here. i want to, but now i see how i have been too trusting always of h, even during this sitch and it's time to break that apron string!!
one question i do have, and would love other's view on this - we literally do not have any money, to pay for even one appointment here. the only money there is, is my inheritance that my parents gave me which is invested. i asked h yesterday how we/he were going to pay for this? he couldn't even been to answer!
i have agreed to take some of that money out for us to live on this coming month - after all i've lived off his paycheck all this time. but i do not feel comfortable about using it to pay these D bills! any ideas on how to handle this with him?
am i to expect to pay my share for my atty and half the mediator bill?
he kept saying when "WE" file. i did gently point out to him that it was when "HE" files. he sort of looked at me blankly for a few seconds before agreeing and i could see that it was extremely painful for him to say when "I" file, but he managed to squeeze it out!
sorry this got so long - a lot on my mind today - but for once, everything is being thought about calmly not in a frenzied way:)
stronger - i know you have my back - i can feel it girl - it feels good!
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
