Denver, thank you for your wisdom about my gift. Haaa, I am not kidding, I appreciate your insight. You commented about having to suffer terrible times before we can grow. As much as it bites, it makes sense. Your remark made me think about an alcoholic or drug user hitting rock bottom before they get help. I don’t know if that’s a good analogy or not.
Accuray! I know you were planning on taking a break from the boards. Sh!t, it seems like it’s been awhile. Your comment struck home. Yesterday W and I were talking on the phone about the kids. I could tell she was about finished with the call so I cut her off and ended the call first. I might have been a little too late but I still beat her to the punch. Next time I am going to need to end the call sooner. Anyway, I told her “I have to go”. She replied with a little snicker and then said “ uhhm, ok”. Your right, I could tell it pissed her off. I love the verbiage “ I have something to do, you can call me later if you want”. I will be adding that one to my arsenal for sure! I need to go see if you updated your sitch. Thank you for keeping me in check.
Ok, I don’t know the best way to approach this issue with W. I’ve always been the disciplinarian in our household. Well, things aren’t quite the same anymore. W has the kids more than I do and I think most of the time (not always) mothers are the nurturing ones. Not to say I am not caring, I am but I also make sure to discipline.
My W says our kids have been acting up and she’s always telling me to talk to the kids. If I had a nickel for every time W has told me “you need to talk to the kids!” I would be a freakin millionaire! It can’t be just me to do it. I am sorry, it won’t work unless BOTH of us discipline. IMO discipline is very important and even more so now. Kids want it and they need it.
So here’s my question. I would prefer to avoid a joint counseling session when tackling the subject with W. At the same time I know I am not in the best position to tell her she need to do more disciplining. I am sure she will come back with some excuse like “I am so busy with the kids, I don’t have time to do that, I have enough on my plate as it is”.
I am sure there’s many others on this board that have dealt with this issue and I want to make sure I can be somewhat effective and diplomatic when I bring up the subject with her. Thank you for any input.
I am just so disgusted with W right now. W does a great job taking care of herself. Excersice, nice clothes, trying to look hot. Well, what about are damn kids, I am pissed! I have the kids this weekend and after seeing them, I am just blown away! I know this is a forum about working on ourselves and our marriages but the fact is, the kids also come into play. No wonder so many divorced parents despise their X's. I don't want it to come to that!
So our daughter now has 5 stitches on her forehead because her out of control cousin pushed her and daughter hit her head on a chair and she had to go to the ER, I get that. While I am not happy about it, there kids.
I swear, it just keeps piling up. Today I noticed that our son has nails that are way too long, our daughter has a ton of tangled knots in her beautiful long blonde hair. To top it off, the kids now have a lot of black mites in their hair!!! Just sick! I am so furious with W right now.
I don’t care how “busy” W is. If the kids were with me, they would have discipline and they would be taken care of and properly groomed. I just don’t know WTF to do right now!!!! This MUST be addressed, but in the right way.
First of all, what's your agreement in terms of custody with your children?
As for the other things, you could very well cut your son's nails too. As for your D's hair, do you comb it out when she's with you? And as for the mites, well that's just a health hazard. Where did they get them from?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Nails I can cut. I think they sell detangler at the store. I've never been one to comb daughters long hair and I’ve never used detangeler but I am sure it isn’t rocket science. In terms of the disgusting mites, I think you can buy a specialty comb to help get them out. I know they came from W taking our kids to SIL’s house.
I understand your frustrations Rough. It's their choice to walk out on their family and cause all of this devastation and we're the ones picking up the broken pieces.
The thing is, for now, it's pretty much a one way street. They're not really interested in this R and have moved on a long time ago. It still gets to me that W can be so careless with D8 but I try to look at it in the way that she isn't well right now and she is probably going through as much as we are, if not more.
I think that one day, they'll realize what they've done (or not done) and feel really bad about it but for now it's like a kid with a hamster. There's just so much out there to attract their attention that they start neglecting that hamster they swore they would take care of.
I think that Bond's advice is good. It'll also be noticed by W and I'm sure she'll appreciate the help and it will make you more than just the disciplinarian to your kids. You'll also be seen as a care provider.
Good luck mate,
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I am just so disgusted with W right now. W does a great job taking care of herself. Excersice, nice clothes, trying to look hot. Well, what about are damn kids, I am pissed! I have the kids this weekend and after seeing them, I am just blown away! I know this is a forum about working on ourselves and our marriages but the fact is, the kids also come into play. No wonder so many divorced parents despise their X's. I don't want it to come to that! So our daughter now has 5 stitches on her forehead because her out of control cousin pushed her and daughter hit her head on a chair and she had to go to the ER, I get that. While I am not happy about it, there kids.
So you agree NO issue there, could have happened anywhere AND on your shift. Let it go. Otherwise she'll use whatever mishaps happen Or never get to happen at your place, against you. Either you belive this statement or you don't. If you do, let it go.
I swear, it just keeps piling up. Today I noticed that our son has nails that are way too long,
this is ^^^ - I'm sorry - but laughable. Please don't go to a L or judge with THAT charge..."Omg the nails are too long".
What are you doing w/these types of criticisms?? Making sure your wife knows she did right to leave?
our daughter has a ton of tangled knots in her beautiful long blonde hair. So take the tangle out like your wife has done for years, OR teach your d to do so. End of story....
To top it off, the kids now have a lot of black mites in their hair!!! Just sick! I am so furious with W right now.
Why is this HER fault? I'm curious. My h left us right before our 25th anniversary and we spent it in Italy without him.
The girls got lice. I never once blamed HIM and hope to God he never thought to blame me!
You just deal with it, hopefully, together like adults.
I don’t care how “busy” W is. If the kids were with me, they would have discipline and they would be taken care of and properly groomed. I just don’t know WTF to do right now!!!! This MUST be addressed, but in the right way.
listen to Bond on this, please
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
ALL of you on this forum have been EXTRELY HEPPFUL, thank you sooo much. Sh!t, I have seen a psychologist before but this is far more helpful. This weekend with my kids has been so great. The love between us is amazing. My kids are soooo loving.
As sappy as it sounds, I am a very loving father and I know that’s a big part of the reason our kids are the way they are, they are so caring. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t an emotional SOB, at the same time, it’s WHO I am, and I am fine with that.
Carnac, MrBond, Accuray, 25mlc, Arsene, etc…all of you mean so much. I can’t thank you enough for your support right now. I could never imagine getting such important help from people I’ve never met. Rough
I made sure the kids got all cleaned up. This board does a great job keeping me in check. I might have said the wrong things to W if it wasn’t for some of this input.
These challenges I am mentioning might seem like simple logic however this process is new to me, it’s quite the adjustment. Some of the direct and blunt input I receive is much needed. I need to keep a smile on my face and keep my chin up!
