Newbie and ready for hard work

[dj21]

Thanks Kaffe Diem- The brain work is refreshing, challenging and pushing the garbage out of my brain..thank you.

labug- Thanks so much for your words, perfect day for them.

Today...bit my hiney...I knew I had to pull myself together today for a challenge. Today was my grandsons birthday, a great day to celebrate, warm and beautiful. But my mind took over. I thought of my H so many times, constant thoughts of fear consumed me. Will he be there?, will he bring the OW?, Look my best, act my best EXHAUSTING. I kept telling myself, I will make it no matter what happens today. Actions, Actions, Actions...Be the person he fell in love with. It is my grandsons day and nothing else matters. I still bought a new shirt and made sure I looked amazing. Yuck, thank goodness I am not transparent. This would most likely be where detaching would have been my greatest asset. Well, he didn't show. Apparently he and the OW left town for a wedding, and that fact shouldn't matter either. I know. But, it did. Grrrr. and our D18 was driving the OW car, ahhhhh, I know, it shouldn't matter. It is in my face everyday..."mommy, OW stirs her juice this way", "mommy, when OW and daddy bla bla bla..." it is just hard somedays to pleasantly smile, while our children talk about their daddy and OW....Just venting tonight! I know I am afraid of detaching, not that I know what it really means today, but I am afraid of it. I think it will bring me some relief, but then I am afraid that I might not feel so connected to my H. Tomorrow is a new day, and I am going to face a fear. Head on. Eye contact, and I really don't care if I pee my pants a bit out of fear, I will complete it. It is what I want to do, for me, about me, all for me.