New to DB

[hopefulinga]

So, here are some of my answers:

+ What is more of the same?
Accusing him of having any kind of affair, being critical, not showing him respect, being judgmental, being controlling, trying to change him, the list can probably go on.

+ What bothers you about less contact?
Probably lonliness and reliance, comfort zone, which means I still have work in GAL. I've seriously cut back the contact. I do not call him at all during the day unless there is a problem. That is huge for me. I try not to go by the airport to our hangar, which is his man cave. So I am making small steps.

+ What do you think you might try, different?
This is the hardest one for me right now. I feel like I am floundering. I haven't been making a whole lot of conversation with him. I'm trying to be happy, which I think pisses him off right now. hence the comment that I am acting like everything is ok.

Him being "taken" by this woman is enough to make me sick. She's nasty. After he told me she was pregnant, I can't remember what I said, but his response was something along the line of it's not her fault. I just looked at him and said, condom, pill, tubes tied? He said I guess you are right. I think this one is going to fade. My D asked him if he was going to ask her to dinner when I taught last night and he said no. That made me happy. However, I am not off my guard. But I also know that I can't control him. I've also seen people latch on because they get the wrong impression of him and he has no back bone to shake them lose. I will say that I am not dealing with a guy that is changing his hair, clothes, working out, etc.

I've been reading the MLC threads and identified with that chapter in DR. He's definitely transfered some of his emotional needs to one of his friends that does act like a whipped puppy. The guy is almost always around. He was originally going to buy this motorcycle when he turned 60 and caved in this year. He used to ride all of the time. I am suffering through hearing stories of rides when he was younger that included wife #1. And I definitely see the confusion. I want a D, but the next day, can you go get my medicine?

My overanalyzing mind is overanylzing and getting confused. This week end and next while i am away, I am going to try to work on what I can do differently. I'm also going to work with IC on why I do not trust so that I can try to trust again. I guess for the time being, I'm laying low, not saying a whole lot, texting or emailing if I need to tell him something.

GAL has to be at the top of my list. He does not like it if I go out after dark, so trying to do something after dinner will not sit well. I am doing things on the weekend, but many times he doesn't know about them. I've got to get myself around the situation with our D if I want to go out.