If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[25yearsmlc]

"It's almost as if she's pooping in his face and getting a huge laugh out of it."

Mindreading. Assumptions like that just get people angry and doesn't help with interactions with children.

thank you for saying this ^^^bond...a lot of projecting is going here from some folks who were or are very hurt.

I get that.


But please, as bad as the affair is, I seriously doubt that 1) she INTENDS it to disrespect you


in part b/c 2) I doubt she's thinking of you much...sorry but she's not making this about you at all.

It's all about HER and how SHE FEELS when she's with OM...


OR maybe you two had issues that you need to work on and if that's the case, then get on them! Maybe she used those reasons to justify leaving in the first place...

But the idea that she's sticking a dagger in you and "twisting" it

is just NOT KNOWABLE

but it is harmful to you and your attitude, I would imagine. I can't see the value in talking or thinking like that.

I don't find anger helpful in these situations at all, although there are folks who claim it 'strengthens" them. I'd have to ponder that a long time.

BUT we are not in your shoes, atm...so

If you can't take it anymore, if knowing she had an affair at all, is just too much for you to ever get past,

and if you

truly know this, then you know it's over.

But if you are not sure, or think you could hang in there another day or week, OR that maybe a part of you COULD get past this under certain conditions, either way

your course of action is the same for now.

(Except maybe for filing)

But you still make YOUR LIFE as good as you can and you are totally there for your son.

You become the best man YOU can become, a man only a fool would leave, which YOU control,

not for her - but FOR YOU and for your son...

That's my main point.

The only little quibbling thing I had was a question about the weekend being so special to you and that it was THE weekend you two spent away.

So you knew that... and then you told her that for the first time, YOU would spend some of that away...? Did she ask why or did you make it clear it was either to teach her a lesson OR b/c you were hurt or did you think she knew why AND cared?

I mean, all I can tell is that you informed her that YOU were choosing NOT to spend the weekend with her and that you'd take the middle night to yourself, correct?

Hey I'm not defending her

but I can imagine how, in her mind, that was permission.

In fact she may have felt that you blew it and didn't want to work on things or talk to her so, she'd show you.

YES I'm mind reading here ^^^and I know that--but its to show you how useless it is.

We can all come up with various causes for their actions but sometimes there are no "causes", or reasons behind, or motives or we totally guess the wrong ones.

Hence keeping the focus on US, OUR motives and OUR children's welfare.

Did you read the DiV busting book or the Div Remedy book? I found the second one more helpful b/c the first one harps about how bad divorce is, which I feel that I already knew.

But do what helps and read what resonates with you.