I opted for an ease into it approach. I sent him text messages in the middle of the night. 4 of them. We always sleep snuggled REALLY close together. We could sleep on a twin bed with no problems. I described that and things like feeling his heart beat against my shoulder. Sucking on his fingers and feeling his against my .
No response until this morning. He must not have had his pager on or near him during the night.
H: So are you coming up this weekend!? W: On the 27th, I am in Phoenix this weekend H: Bummer, nice pages though. Did you finish the job? W: nope, took care of myself over the weekend. Pages were for your benefit. I'm looking forward to the 27th.
That is it. Admitting the "self" part is not something I am usually that up front with him about. So that is a 180 for me.
I am seeing that he is receptive and appreciative! He asked me to come up. Instead of being hopeful or just hinting about the following weekend, I'm just acting "as if" it is GOING to happen.
Ok, I am supposed to go to Phoenix with son to take care of a rental house we have there.
I really want to go to Seattle to see H. He seems to want to see me this weekend.
Son and his girlfriend could take care of the Rental. Even though we are partners. But it would be like a mini vacation for them. The rental house is cool with a pool!
I can transfer my ticket.
Does that make me too available to H? Am I a schmuck for leaving the rental to son? All in the name of love?
Talk to son and see how he would feel if he house-sits without you. Also, he may be very understanding to you wanting to go to Seattle. If its OK with him, then go ahead and make arrangements to go to Seattle.
If son is not OK with a change in plans, then I feel you need to follow thru with your prior commitment. This is the part of DBing where you need to choose which principals you're gonna live by and how they affect all others around you.
Well I will be going to Phoenix as planned. H has to work, but we do have a "date" for the weekend of the 27th. He might be in CA so I'm not sure where our "date" will be. I would rather be up there, but.....
But another interesting development this afternoon. You will remember from my pages this morning and the "self" thing. Well out of the blue this afternoon this is our paging:
H: Who did this really? Be Honest W: My own finger. There is no one else but you! H: Why not? Stop lying W: Because I don't want to be with anyone else.
hummmmm I can't even imagine what must go through his head to be "forced" by himself to say things like that. It must be so confusing for him. I wish I could help.
Things seem to be working for you.... not sure if this approach would be recommended in my situation with my H's OW moving centre stage soon (her impending visit). Don't even know if I shoud initiate some conact or wait for it to come from him only... now that he's going to be "busy". I just emailed him this morning with some light chat about the weather.
Keep doing what seems to work!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
He is REALLY unsure of himself. It seems like he doesn't believe how much you care for/love him, but it's NOT from anything you are doing or not doing-it's all in his head!! Silly, silly man!! (& prob. very guilty conscience!)
Have fun in Phoenix, and have a great time w/h next weekend. (surely, we'll talk before then) Just keep doing what you are doing-listening and comforting and reassuring h, but realize that it is not your "job" to make him feel better. Is he on med's?
On the other hand, maybe he feels like he needs to be punished by you. Yaknowwhatimean? Maybe you need to let him have it and whap him upside the head.
sorry-going in 2 totally diff. directions here, but just something for you to think about.
against my 
