New developments as of last night. My W brought my sons over for to visit for a couple hours as I have had to work all week. She dropped them off and staid she was going to the store. At 9:00 PM, an hour after the usually pick up time; she called to ask if I could drive the boys home since she had been drinking and didn't want to drive them. I was a little upset. I did not raise my voice or lose my temper. I simply told her that when she is responsible for the boys this is unacceptable.
When she got to the house she could tell I was mad and at first seemed very indignant. Then she broke down. She said that watching the boys by herself is too much pressure she feels like she gets no free time. She has to be the "responsible one". She said "sometimes I just want to run away". Then she asked me not to be mad at her. I stated that I was a "little mad". She broke down again and told me she was "miserable". I simply acknowledged what she said and gave sympathy where I could. Then she went to my bed and lay down and cried. I asked if she was ok, she nodded, so I left her alone and went to entertain the boys. After a while she came out sat down with me and the boys looked into my eyes like she wanted to say something. I wanted badly to comfort her, but thought it wasn't the best choice.
At first I seriously considered making her call her mom, with whom she is staying, to pick up the boys since she couldn't drive. Then I thought about what I would do for a friend who had one too many. The answer is, drive them home. Maybe not the right choice, but this whole thing caught me off guard. This is her ONE free pass.
At the car she said she was ok to drive. I could tell she wasn’t (still stumbling a little bit). I told her I would take her car to her parent's. At first she said no, and then I said I would trade cars at the gas station across the street from her neighborhood to which she agreed. She said she didn't want to "give mom another reason to yell at me (her)". I slipped and asked "about what", she said” about anything". This is the second time she has mentioned her mother possibly "yelling" at her. Strange. Not my business. She gave me a hug before we left, first time in over a month, and when I dropped her at the gas station she thanked me and I said your welcome and left.
I don't want to seem controlling, I was thinking about the safety of my boys. I wasn't trying to rescue her, as I would do the same for a friend.
To be honest, it made me feel a little better to see a crack in her armor. This is the first talk about her being "miserable". I know that is wrong, oh well, made me feel a little better. I am not the only one hurting.
I don't know if I should have comforted her more or backed off more. I know I am not supposed to get angry, my children come first. I think she was more emotional because she had been drinking. I don't know how much was truthful, and how much was her feeling bad because she screwed up.
She did take notice of a couple of my 180s without any prompting from me.
There it is. Helps me to put it in perspective when I write it out. Any thoughts are welcome.
Me:27 W:30 S1:3y/o S2:8m/o T:5 M:3 Bomb:5/16/12 W moved out:5/16/12
