What a wonderfully strong, compassionate and loving approach you took. I love the realisation that both you have no reason to have anything to fear from one another anymore. And all of the vulnerability that was hidden behind anger.
This seems like such a big revelation and such an honest place to move forward from.
I admire you so much zig. I hope serenity has reached you by now. Stay with her. I will come find you. And you can maybe help me find acceptance.
So much love to you....,
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
what a wonderful delightful image you have created.
Yes Serenity arrived safe and well, rather more quickly than I expected - must have been the rollerblades!! and Thank You for including the shots!!
I've downed them all - with the pie and put the wagon in the shed, ready for when it's needed next.
You have taken good care of her, while she was with you, so I do believe that her visit was worth it for you, dear sweet friend.
As for walls and conditioning - yes, I have the same as you, and I do believe it's time for the next turtle to swim amongst us: I'm calling him Unconditioning, for lack of a better word - anyone have a better name for him, it does seem a bit ungainly for an elegant turtle
I think that he will bring along Expecting the Best with him for company - the best for our selves and for our spouses and families
I also think that we need the local sledgehammer-er to help out here. He's called Basher and he's going to help us break down those walls that we hide behind
So as we all take one more step forward, we have a new group joining us to help us on their way
I don't think you have to swim as deep as you think you do, sweet friend - I'll come join you for company - can never get too much of Acceptance's company either
and yes an all-nighter!
much love to you dear busting:)
zia
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
thanks for what you said vera - it's one more calming element for me to add to my sitch.
i had read your post before meeting h, and at one point i did ask him 'how long do you think this will take?" i was surprised at how calmly he answered - noting ever goes fast in this world - it's going to take a while
but I want to make sure we reach a fair settlement and however long it takes to do that, so be it.
yes, i feel exactly the same way. I want things to be fair, and i do believe h wants the same, but i have no idea, i will just focus on my part in it
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
i've been keeping up on your thread - just haven't posted - i think you are getting to a better and better place for yourself each day. so pleased to see that:)
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
and i love being called sweet lady - it's making me imagine myself to be one - one who can be gentle, graceful, kind and compassionate.
I've decided from now on i'm dropping all the DB "acting as if" (i don't need to do those any more) but I am going to instead act as if I were a sweet lady until it becomes a natural thing
so hugs back to all of you, too
love zig
i called h on impulse this afternoon to ask if we could get a gift for s this afternoon. his usual answer was always no there's no need.
instead he said in a warm voice what a great idea and actually discussed it with me so that it was a fun conversation. he came up with a great idea for what we could give s and i'm going to go pick it up.
s finishes his major film making workshop today, and the debut of the movie is at the movie theater downtown, so we are all going there at 5 pm.
h and i are beyond proud of him - the teacher hasn't stopped praising s's skills - they did most of it in 4D and s picked up and went crazy with the program from the second day. It's been quite a major haul for him - 9am to 4pm everyday for a month and a whole movie made during that time!!
I'm so so so pleased that h wants to give him a gift together - i was always so disappointed in the past - he dismissed it so entirely and i would quietly go off and get one on my own. and s would sense h's "disapproval" and not be able to enjoy the gift fully.
now he can..
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Hey ng - i went back to read through my posts and realized i'd missed this one!!
yes jameson - that's what i have pretty much always!! how the heck did you know?
my actual rather expensive tastes go to black label - but it's been a while since i could afford that.
so jameson it is , for now, and i'm rather fine with that!!
and yes - it cures heartache very very fast - i like the way your mom thinks
oh and another favorite - good vodka kept in the freezer - straight shots !!
man, i'm starting to sound like a total lush here!!! i hope you all realize that zig talks more about drinking than the actual drinking itself. I have the ridiculous reputation of not being able to quite make it past a couple of shots - tend to fall asleep ya know. quite pathetic actually!
sometime i wish i was a bit of a lush so that i wasn't so sober all the time and could get a bit of a pain break here and there...
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I am guessing you may be feeling a mess of different emotions today and that's okay, acknowledge and process. For me, I found that once stbx filed for D I no longer had that to fear, and I felt much calmer bc I wasn't so wrapped up w worrying whether something I did or did not do would make him file. You are strong and so ready to handle this now, got it?
