New to DB

[dj21]

Good morning Hopeful- when you enter the newcomer forum you can find the 37 rules under all of the bootcamp posts. Goals are difficult for me as well, our minds are so full of all the other stuff, at least for me, it was hard to muddle in. So for me my goals are to stop doing what I am doing, because it wasn't getting me any closer to my goal. What was I doing? Being mean, hurtful and creating ways to contact my H so I could make a point. When my H moved in with the OW, I refused to deliver our children, I asked family members to do it instead. To top it off, my H would have our D18 relay messages about picking up other children for events and such instead of talking to me directly. I would ALWAYS make a stink about it. So, these became my goals to STOP doing what I was doing, and DO something Different. I deliver our children to the OW house, if this is something I have to do in order to make a change I will do it, I don't like it, but I do it. I STOPPED creating ways to contact him to be mean. In the last 6 months I contacted him weekly just to be mean, and remind him of how he hurt me and our family. Since DB'ing I have ONLY contacted him 3 times and it was child related and necessary. When we have contact on the visitation drop offs, I am friendly, I have eye contact and I don't REACT. I have focused on the above ACTIONS for the last 30 days, and have had positive results, H has conversed with me and the best part, there has been NO negativity what so ever. There are so many examples on this forum of people setting goals, keep reading....Sorry for the long post, I hope it makes some sense.