I can't believe how nit picky controlling they get! Does this get worse over time? Im seeing the same things in XH, and it's now spilling over in his interactions with the girls. Now D12 is complaining about it and dreading visits with him. Yes the control freak comes out like a Monster during these times.
I agree with Snodderly they think they know what's best!When we show our independence and don't ask for their input or permission, well that's more excuse for spew! Then by golly, after the spew, they turn around and repeat the exact same point we were trying to make to them, but this time it was all their idea! LOL
An issue with us was always pets. He went from being a pet person to absolutely detesting animals, if he couldn't control them. XH used to curse my 18 year old dog that's blind so bad it would wake me up at night. What blew me away was how he'd have such hatred at the animals, yet inform me NOT to use weed killer around the house because it could kill the cats. Then turn around and threaten to shoot the cats.
Kimmerz, That is exactly what they become--bullies. I think it's their way of expressing their strong points at this time in life because they weren't allow to express themselves as children and/or young adults. So, when mid-life comes along...that's when the flood gates open and all H@ll breaks loose. The less you argue w/them, the better.
As they move through the tunnel of mlc, sometimes it does get worse before it gets better. That's why it is important to step back and allow the freight train to zoom on down the line.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Adult bullies.... they exist! I have one at work that's darn near lost her job because of it, but has really been making an effort not to do it anymore.
I read that adult bullies or any bully for that matter usually was bullied as a young child.
Given the MLCer is working out their childhood issues, I do believe this is where the bullying comes in. My Xh told me years ago that he always said to himself as a kid that if he ever grew big and strong he would come back to hurt the people that hurt him as a kid.
LOL....however it appears Im taking it on for everyone that ever crossed him! One thing I've learned through all this....Im a heck of alot stronger than I ever knew. I didn't think I had it in me.
I get that Kimmers. Six months ago I thought I would die. Now I know I will be fine and I am better off alone than with H in his current state of mind.
He tries so hard to stay angry at me. Tonight I even did nice things for him like taking his laundry to his room and making him sandwiches since he had to cut down a cracked tree in the back yard. When I told him I made him some sandwiches he barely even glanced in my direction. But when I came back from walking the dog he was eating them. Rather begrudgingly if I may say so. Not so much as a thank you but I didnt expect one either. He did ask me if I wanted anything from the liquor store when he went and I said no thank you. That's the kindest he's been in a long time. Lol!
He's going over the budget now because he is screwed because I didn't rescue us out of our financial hell last week. Now he just asked me for the Satellite password so he can take care of the bill. I told him and he just looked at me like I was insane. I said if you dont like the password I made then create a new one. I mean someone has to pay the bills, right? Lol! I am sure he is creating this budget so he has money to spend on OW. Not looking like too much the hero with no money in the checking account and a credit card that is maxed out. He made his bed, now he can lay in it. Or is it lie in it? Lol!!
Will he ever direct this spew at someone else? You would think ow would get some of it since she is the closest thing to him now. I am like his nemesis.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wishing....You know it still amazes me, these MLCers. We say they talk the script, but it's like the same bad spirit has posessed them all causing them to do all the same weird things~!
Im glad you're coming along and are feeling stronger. I now realize from my own experience, that the more we firmly start to grasp the concept that this really has NOTHING to do with us, and that it's all them, that we start to regain our strength and self confidence back. And when we get into our new place of learning to love ourselves, and accept this horrible sitch with the MLCers for what it is, it's then we can actually look at them differently and actually start to feel sorrow for them.
Your examples of the sandwhiches and password, though different sitch's are completely of the same nature that I went through with my XH a when he was home. I would leave him a plate of dinner in the fridge given he always got home after 10 p.m. Then it was excuse after excuse as to why he couldn't eat it.He was trying to lose weight but what I made him would make him fat. never mind the junk food he was scarfing down...it was all my fault!
Then I quit leaving things for him because I knew he wouldn't like it, and then I got complaints that I didn't leave him anything. I finally start leaving him grilled chicken breasts after he finally decides what he wants me to cook for him, and then he doesn't eat it! I swear it's like sabatoge at every corner with these people. LOL... in MLC for dummies it says one reason they feel the need to leave is that " we use bagged lettuce".... LOL....and yes that about how petty their reasons are.
The kids just got home from their overnight with their Dad. Apparently XH is complaining that he can't figure out when to plan his camping trip because me and the girls have so much going on this month. So now I can see this next one coming. I bet you anything in his mind I now have ruined his camping trip with the girls because I didn't inform him of our plans this month. LOL.... yet why on earth could he not request time off from work and picked his own dates with the kids and take charge of his own plans?
Yep time for popcorn and some Hot Tamales. Pull on up and watch the show!
He came up to berate me for not telling him about the check I wrote for daughter's school and to let me know how little money there is. Poor H. Poor poor H. No one appreciates him except for OW. He also yelled at me for letting D sleep in the bed with me. She's just so clingy and she cries every night for me. I told him I was working on it and he just tells me to just put her in her bed. Oh yes...he's not the one she is crying for in the middle of the night. I know it's not good but I dont think this is the time to distance her from me. She knows something is up but of course H doesn't see that. That's another reason why the kids need counseling.
I leave for vacation with the kids tomorrow. Can't wait. But I know H will try and spoil it somehow...someway. But I won't let him.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, I hope that you and your children will enjoy your vacation. Leave the mlc monster at home and just have some fun for a change!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Didn't sleep well last night and the mornings leave me feeling so weak. H has left little in the account and he did it on purpose so I couldn't spend any money on vacation. He has just created a mess for us both. Of course he paid his bills and left little to no money for me to pay mine.
In some ways I can't wait till this is over. But will it ever really be over?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, You are the only one that can determine when you've had enough and can draw the line in the sand.
There really is no way to prove that he did his bill paying on purpose so that you wouldn't have a lot of money to spend on vacation, but I from my own experience, I would venture to say he is "punishing" you for going away on vacation. Some do this...but there is no way to prove that is what he did to you. His bills may have come due and required payment...
BTW, I was once told by a very elderly lady that when someone is in mlc, it is never over. They will continue to touch your life when you least expect it. She said that they will always think that we are in the background waiting for them to touch down periodically. I don't know how true that is, but in my case, it's happened and I've been divorced for 10 years. Unfortunately, in your case, you have children that will require both of you to be contact now and in the years to come.
Do what you have to do and get on the road so that you can enjoy being away for a bit. You and your children need a much needed change of scenery.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know he probably doing all he can to "get us out of this mess" but honestly I have come to terms with the fact that he doesn't have my best interest in mind, only his own. But I feel better now. I am away from the insanity and can breathe.
He did insist on talking to me this morning. At first he was nasty demanding I leave the checkbook so he could enter in the check information (which I already gave him). Then he talked to the kids and wanted to talk to me again. Asked me to take the camera so I could take some nice pictures and to have fun and be safe. Not sure if I should think he was being nice and genuinely concerned or just lip service. I don't assume he really cares about me anymore.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
