Hopeless optimist...

[Just A Guy]

Went to bed looking at motivational posters online together, she grabbed for my hand before we fell asleep, mentioned in a positive light that tomorrow was our appointment.. Felt good...

Then this morning I made a mistake lol... I walked right into my office without helping her bring our 2 large yellow labs into the shop. They ended up jumping on some customers and nearly pulling her arm out of socket..

Its that time of the month too so that sorta put a damper on our morning...

Really hoping that these sessions with the MC are well structured, I am not going to squander the opportunity thats for sure. One other thing is the LAST MC saw us once a month, this one wants to see us once a week for 4-6 weeks.. Hope thats a good sign too..

[Just A Guy]

Talked to a friend last night who's marriage is far further gone than mine. It was good to hear his positivity on not giving up on his marriage because it gives me renewed hope.. Still sending out applications to companies for work.

I know my wife loves me, I know she is hurting right now and I know me being strong and her seeing me take action is helping her but more importantly its helping ME.. I am the master of my future, no one else...

She talked to me a few minutes ago about sitting on the deck together Saturday and having cinnamon rolls and tea together. I will try my hardest to keep the conversation light and positive.

I will not squander this gift of time with hurt, frustration and resentment. I will continue to say I love you in my mind when I look at her while talking. I will continue to GAL and find new things which bring joy into my life.

[Just A Guy]

I just had a blow to my brain... I was thinking about our anniversary coming up in 16 days.... Panicky feeling came back really strong.. What should I plan on doing???

[Just A Guy]

4 hours till MC... Anyone gone to a solution based MC before? Anyone know what to expect? How to prepare? A little nervous at this point..

My wife already is sad she is hurting me I can tell by how much she cries about feeling like there is no hope... Being strong at home and working on me has helped her emotions out a lot I think.

God I dont want to mess this up...

[mshaf]

New here. I wish I had some better advice for you.

Be confident. Be open minded. Share what you want.

Good luck! It sounds like you have a lot going for you.

[Just A Guy]

So we went to MC yesterday... She agreed that she wants to go again, she says she likes how she really digs into our relationship while keeping it about talking and not blaming or fighting.

She extracted a OT of info out and even saw us for 1:20 instead of the normal 55 minutes. I was impressed and now I am scared too.

We found something out, through the discussions we found out that its not that something I am doing is turning my wife off its that for a LOOOOOONG time (since before we have been married) she has not been turned ON by me. She has basically been trying many many different things (except us really talking about it) to figure it out with no success.

This has brought on loads of doubt and guilt. She says she feels like she is cheating me out of my needs and in turn it makes her feel like $hit.

The MC said we def. spend too much time together and that the free time we send together we are in a routine rut.

So out in the car after the MC session my wife says she wants to go again, that she thought a lot of information came out in a short period of time and she wants to explore that more. She also said she wants to try a suggestion that the MC made of each of us planning a simple no pressure date night for each other.

The MC also said we need to find some form alone time apart from each other, time to work on ourselves. Its the second thing my wife brought up to me in the car ride home. She said that since we had moved in together we have NEVER spent more than 2-3 days apart.

And me I am a NEEEEDY guy, I am constantly wanting to surround myself in her presence. So while I truly feel that spending a week apart from each other is not going to be a solution, if she wants to try it then there is nothing I can/should do to prevent it. It will give me a chance to detach while knowing that she still has not once mentioned divorce or any such thing.

[Just A Guy]

Another thing, I know I am taking the pressure off of her by not initiating hugs, saying "I love you" after every phone call, initiating holding hands at night etc... Am I doing the right thing by this??

Should I agree to this 1 week apart?

Anyone been in this position where her action say she is still in to an extent?

[scaredsilly]

If you don't "agree" to the week apart, what do you thInk that will do to your R with your W?

[Just A Guy]

Resentment, anger, she might not want to go back to counseling because she might think that I am not trying something she wants.

I think She was already thinking about trying a week apart then felt a pull to ask me because of the MC saying we spent waaaaaaay too much time to close together.. I already told her I would do it, I said I would be open to it as long as we could spend half the time at home and half the time somewhere else. In other words I would spend 4 days at mutual friends house while she was home alone then switch. I didn't want to feel like I was going to be booted from our house but I wanted to compromise vs. shutting it down.

Now the big test for me is whether she initiates the suggestion of a no strings attached date like the MC said to try.

How did I do?

[Just A Guy]

Also as I stated before, our anniversary is in 2 weeks... Any advice there?? Kinda scared and not sure what to do. I know I dont want to pressure her but just dont want to let it go by the wayside...