14 Months Secret Separation: talking mediation

[adinva]

Thanks for posting on my thread! Rick1963, sorry your W treated you like that on the phone too. I thought it was kind of a guy thing not to like chatting on the phone, and I'm kind of phone averse too, it's just a awkward medium for me. But it hurts to know that it's not them, it's you (they just don't want to talk to you). You deserve better, me too.

So. H called today around 4. The boys have been asking when he'd be home. I knew it was today sometime but expected it to be late. At 4 he calls and says "Did you go to Cape May?" Um, no, changed my mind about it, why? He said he was at the airport but had his friend coming to pick him up and was wondering if he needed to get home to feed the dogs. I said no, we're home, we're fine. So he went from the airport to out to dinner with his friend and we saw him around 8 or so.

I was in the kitchen on my laptop so I said a friendly hello and talked a little from the kitchen but H went in the living room and S12 told him a bunch of stories from summer camp. S14 came up from the basement around 9 for some Chinese food and H had some food with the boys and S14's friend.

There's no connection with me, and I'm not pushing for one. I'm just kind of sad that it's just not there.

However, 2, just for you. This morning I took an extra half hour and made our MBR and bathroom look spiffy. I MADE the bed. Which we never do. I just kept looking to see if the room looked like a nice place to be, and cleaned it until it did. I almost took a picture for fb. I saved the dishes because I had to get to work, but after work with the extra time bought by H not coming directly home, I did get all the pots and pans washed and shined up the kitchen island and put some fruit out. I kept thinking, would this look nice to come home to, and cleaned until I thought it did.

I mainly did it because of a conversation with 2 recently, but I also did it for H. It was a little deflating to have it not noticed, but the lack of criticism is high praise in this situation. So I'll take it that I did good. I also straightened up the living room until I saw that it would look comfortable to sit on the couch (ie, no remotes, pocketknives, lacrosse gloves, or shoes on the couch) - and H did sit there when he got home so I was glad I made the effort.

What I think of this is it's exercising my interest in extending myself for my spouse, as opposed to bending over backwards to please him. It's more about pleasing myself by being a giving person. I feel like one of my flaws that I'm working on is to be more naturally giving. So it doesn't really matter if I get no reward from H.

Oh yeah, also we had that agreement that I'd get the birdcage and hamster stuff out of the garage by the end of July. I should have and could have tried to have a yard sale but my weekends have been booked solid and I've been dragging a lot lately, so I just loaded it in my car and moved it over to my office so I can sell it on Craigslist. No excuses. It's out of the garage on time as promised.

Not much to report on my bootcamp. I've taken about a week off, since going to visit friends at the beach. I came home tired, and started a 'hamster wheel' of too much work and being pulled in too many directions, and H out of town so no help. I gave in to myself and let myself slack off for a week, and I'm sure the scale will show it. Tomorrow, I get myself back on track. Every day is a new beginning.