Quote: How can it be so good one minute and not the next?
That's why its liken to a rollercoaster ride and its our emotions that drive it. For the most part we able to keep them at bay ... encourage the postive ones to build our PMA ... put a lid on the negative ones ... but every once in a while that lid pops off! That's OK ... it happens to all. Tell me can you close your eyes and picture yourself chasing after them with a butterfly net. Hopping and skipping after each one, capturing them in your net and sticking them back in the jar and screw that lid back on?
Quote: I called H this morning very early ...Then acted like he wanted to hang up ... Then said he needed to get in the shower.
Could it be that very early isn't a good time for H? I know I would be down right cranky at that time!
Quote: He pages me and says he needs to SPEAK with me ... Then I don't hear from him for 2 days?
If he has been crazy busy, then he probably was distracted. Give him gentle reminder ... how bout a text message ... "Did you say you wanna speak? waasup? Free at (such & such time) if you want to call."
Quote: How do I tell him ... his car not an option for me?
Well as I had done with the quote keep OW out of it. Simply tell him you gave it a test drive and you are not comfortable driving it. Keep it vague ... maybe make it seem like you don't like how the seat fits you or you are uncomfortable with your point of vision from the driver's seat (like too low/high from ground ... up on the front bumper too much or vise versa.).
Quote: Again, my apologies for being all over the board, it is just the unknown that is killing me!
No apologies needed and as I said to Tal that's why this bb is here. We have all shared in these emotional rides and understand what you are going thru.
I'm in the same boat rowing with you babe! I have no idea if we are going in the right direction either.
But God knows...he ordained marriage so as long as you and I are standing firm for our marriages God is too! We are DOING the right thing...it's up to h to give us direction. We'll have to keep praying for them to gain God-centered direction.
You are right. Keep doing the right thing! God's on your side.
Quote: OK, back to the faith thing.... I asked God to help me this morning. I told him I was having a hard time with feeling like in the end this was all going to work out for us being together. Ya know what God, I would really like that sooner rather than later. I waiver in my thought that we will create a new R together because I am afraid of being hurt. If I go all the way out on the tight rope and then H stays in the tunnel that hurts. I also wonder, what if I DON"T have faith am I writing my own future? I have the following taped to my PC monitor: Whatever you believe - with conviction - becomes your reality I DO believe, just don't want to hurt anymore. Is that contradictory?
I am with Tal today, I'm sorry to bring all this to everyone who also has their own trial and tribulations to deal with. It used to be that when something would hurt me I would turn to H and we would work through it. I wish I could do that now and have him understand.
Again, my apologies for being all over the board, it is just the unknown that is killing me!
Wise words? Lightning bolts of revelation?
Water,
Many of us our in the same boat and totally understand these feelings. I wrote a bit in talista's thread about this and I think you are taking the right approach to seek God's Divine help with this. I know its the only way I can deal with the feelings and fears.
I know that for a long time I will have fear my R and M not working out, even though its going in a much better direction than a few weeks ago.
I have thought long and hard about this, and continue every day to ask God for the strength to continue. I guess to me there is never going to be a guarantee that my M will last forever. I know it does help me some to remember that I had some of these same fears (although not jaded by my W actions and betrayals) when I asked my W to marry me and they were strong for some time even after we got married.
Getting married to my W was a "leap of faith" saying that I love to so much that I will risk the hurt of it not working out just to have the opportunity to share a loving marriage and life with you. We are in the same place now, but its even harder because we are not naive about the realities of relationships.
Ultimately we still have to make the "leap of faith" that things will work out, and even if they don't you will be thankful for just the opportunity. Nothing in this life is guaranteed, and you have to make a decision to love the one you are with each and every day.
I chose to take the chance of getting hurt even more, because I am willing to risk that to find love in my M again. I do this for me and for my W, just as I would give my life for hers.
I hope this helps you as well. Remember God is with you on this bumpy road walking right next to you. Reach out you hand and grasp his already stretched out hand to guide and comfort you along the way.
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
Quote: I hope this helps you as well. Remember God is with you on this bumpy road walking right next to you. Reach out you hand and grasp his already stretched out hand to guide and comfort you along the way
This is beautiful...... I wish I could give each of you a real hug for all the support and comfort you have given me.
Hi Water, Hang in there-God IS watching you and working in your life. You just have to remember that God does things in His own time. (Just like a man, isn't it? )
God may also be testing you (He's testing ALL of us). Will we keep the faith in Him? Will we trust Him? We all need to believe that if our m's do not work out, that God will still take care of us and that He may have something that is better for us...
Greetings Everyone~
Thank you agai to everyone who stopped by. Today is a better day!
I got my hair cut last night and it looks HOT if I do say so myself! I told my stylist to do whatever she wanted. She said, lets do something shorter and sexy. I told her she had no idea how badly I needed to be sexy!
H did call last night about 11:30pm. At that point I was already in bed, but had several maguritas.
He asked me how single life was treating me. I told him that I was asked out last week. He wanted to know the details and what I said. I told him that it was more of someone trying to set me up. He asked How would that person know you were single if you weren't telling people that. I told him that someone else must have told this person as I am not saying that. H wanted to know if I went, I told him no. Then H wanted to know what I told the person. I said that I HAVE COMMITTMENTS.
My mind is thinking H, I am NOT single YET. and didn't you just say I was single, so what the he!! do you care?
Back to our conversation...(Bob Barker is easier to do after a margurita )
Now he wants to know what I'm doing for sex. I tell him nothing. He says me too. kind of sad.
So here is my question for the day.
Is it better to reassure H that I am NOT dating or having sex? or is it better to say, Well H that is none of your business?
I took the middle road I gave honest information. But I didn't gush that I'm not going to do that.
I am just thinking back to a week ago, when he was calling in the middle of the night and he felt like he was loosing me. And just wanted to hear my voice.
Just wanted to come by and give you a big hug.......this behavior of H is part of the "norm" for the MLC.....you are not imagining things.....warm one minute cold the next.....all part of the process.
I am proud of you....you are handling things.....
To answer your question....Be honest. Tell him you are not dating...and don't have any plans to do so. And then discuss no further.
His questioning is rather reassuring...he cares and wants to know!!
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