Any chance to make it work? I need advice

[sweetbabyred]

Last night I agreed to watch SS again because H had a few hours of training. He said he'd be back around 7, but showed up at 5, asking me to watch SS for a few more hours.

I asked if it was work related and he said he just wanted to go to dinner and have a social life, but it's not what I'm thinking. He said he wouldn't be f@cking anyone, if that's what I thought. Of course not, because it's just an EA with his current obsession right now.

I told him that I'd gladly watch SS for H to go to work if I wasn't working, but I wouldn't do it so he could go out. H then offered to pay me and I said I wasn't a babysitter.

That made him upset and he told me that not only was I not going out of town with them tomorrow to celebrate SS's birthday (which I kind of expected), I wasn't going to be able to watch him at all anymore and would have to drive to H's new town in order to see him.

About two hours later he called to say he wasn't taking SS out of my life, but I wouldn't be allowed to watch him anymore. And that he'd like me to be there to celebrate the birthday, but that we weren't really married anymore, so he had to draw a line in the sand.

I told him that we were still married until he filled out the forms and filed them, and that while he might be drawing lines in the sand, he never communicated where they were to me. In our M, he never wanted to say anything to hurt me, so he never said anything, and then just decided he couldn't take it anymore last year and we had the BD.

Then he said that for years I never really said much to him either and now he can't get me to shut up. He asked me where that was 3 years ago when he was still in love with me and I told him that I'd finally learned how important it was to share my feelings, and I was going to do it from now on, even if we didn't have a relationship together.

I know that I'm not supposed to believe what he says, but it's so hard to hear that as confused as he is, he knows he'll never fall back in love with me and that he waited so long to confront it, that it's too late to do anything about it.

So once again, I told him to file the papers so that we can be as "not married" as he thinks we are. If he really is done, I can at least use the divorce to potentially qualify me for financial aid next year and not complicate our taxes. It won't change my feelings for him and then he can meet/date whoever he wants without me being upset because we're still married.

I've learned enough on this site to know that it is still possible to R even after a divorce, but at least then I'd know that I'm not invited to family gatherings or officially part of his family any more.

I know that I just need to detach and GAL, but my SS only turns 11 once and I'm going to miss his party and seeing all of my nieces and nephews. I kept the weekend free so I could go out of town if necessary, so now I really do need to find something to keep me occupied.