New to separation. Am I doing the right things?

[Arsene]

Hey Rough,

Down in the slumps, huh? I so understand what you say about your sitch being constantly on your mind. I can't stop thinking about it either mate.

I've just been through most of your thread to figure out why your W left and stop me if I'm wrong but you talk about the "money" issue and domestic stability as the main reasons and you've been putting lots of efforts in that direction but I was wondering if there wasn't something else at the core of all of this. Something where you could do some small consistent 180s that would make you a better person. For one, I often sense some anger in your tone (I know, it's hard to tell in writing but, just a feeling), is there something about you, about who you really are at your core that could be improved? Since you are not sure exactly why she left (other than the points mentioned above) why don't you try to figure out how you could make yourself a better person. It's a shot in the dark but somehow, you might just hit the target once in a while and if you are consistent, your W might actually notice.

Just as an example, here are some of my 180s. I know that they don't all have to do with why my W left but I also know she has noticed some of the changes and, since they are positive changes, it's good for me and W is now looking at me wondering who I am. That's another way to be mysterious.

Here's my list:

1.I meditate and exercise every morning.
2. I have been able to control my anger for the last two months
3. I try not to judge or criticize anyone anymore.
4 I try not to use guilt to manipulate people anymore.
5. I try to be more relaxed when it comes to tidiness.
6. I try to be more relaxed when it comes to finance.
7. I try not to expect others to be punctual.
8. I am much more patient.
9. I try to be happy, and to get this happiness from within.
10. I try to be more generous, to give more freely.
11. I try to feel empathy and compassion towards others.
12. I try to be more accepting of W's culture.
13. I try to be more self-sufficient in this foreign country.
14. I try to speak more with the locals in their language.
15. I try to be kind to all.

I know it's a long list but I'm having partial successes. My C told me to document my daily progress, so everyday, I write things I do towards these and also places where I mess up. I try to be totally aware of my feelings and to make sure that my thoughts and actions are things which I want as part on my personality. Again, I came up with many of these by looking within and seeing how I could become a better person. Others were revealed to me here on this site and by my W, before and after she left.

I don't know if all of this helps you but I thought that if you are not sure of the exact reasons, use the shotgun approach and be consistent and you might get a few hits.

I also read on your thread that you wanted help regain your self respect and confidence. This might just do the trick.

Cheers mate!