Rough: Its amazing to think that a marriage can fall apart while we're watching and we dont know what to do, and also at least for me I didnt see it while it was happening, but looking backwards its incredibly easy to see the progression. I can think back to my wife's comments for the last 12-18 months now and see that she was slowly dropping hints...of course thats not all on me I dont think, but i'll accept my portion of it.
Here is a funny story that I may have told elsewhere on here but I dont think I have. The father of one of my good friends growing up was a pretty big shot in a really big construction company. He was old school though and didnt get his job from an education but from coming up through the ranks so even though he was a VP he still acted more like a foreman and could often be found on jobsites (im sure micromanaging if you were to ask his foreman) Anyway one day he and a foreman or subcontractor I can't remember which were having what the lower man thought was a "discussion" but what was actually my friends dad trying to tell him how to do something without just coming out and telling him how to do it and finally fed up he raised his voice and told him "son either I ain't saying it right or you ain't hearing it right so im gonna tell you more clearly this time" and proceeded to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it.
I tell that story for two reasons, all of our spouses would say that they were making their wishes clear... and most likely most people here would say they never "heard" what they were saying until it was too late. So we have to learn to "listen" better. But if we ever get the chance for R then I think its important to share at least one principle from DB with them and that is stop doing what doesn't work and continue doing whatever is working. If i could talk to my W about one thing it would be if you think your tellin me something and I continue doing what upsets you, rather than assuming I just don't care, try telling me a different way and see if I get it then.
Rough sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees and I think that may be where you were before about the money. You heard her, hell you wanted the same thing, you said so in your post, but hearing her and understanding what she was saying is sometimes two different things. Turst me you've "got" it now and unfortuanetly for you, as well as for me we didnt "get" it until things got extreme. Here's to hoping we get the chance to prove that we "get" it now. Cheers
