I can’t get my mind off my sitch. Mainly the only times it doesn’t consume me is when I am working, spending time with my friends, my kids and keeping active. My mind immediately gets consumed by my sitch the second I stop doing some of those things. I know I should constantly be doing things to get my mind off of it however it’s just a fact there’s going to be down time. One of my good friends told me that I have the whole world in front of me right now, the possibilities are endless. While I appreciate his encouragement I just can’t see it.
I’ve gained so much knowledge over the last couple months but here’s one of the biggest points I’ve learned since I started this rollercoaster from hell 3 months ago. My M was disintegrating right in front of me and I didn’t know what to do. I felt no matter what I did, it was never enough. I’ve always held down a FT job but we never seemed to have enough money. I would get so angry because I felt my W view it as “It’s only about the money” and that made me feel like crap because I didn’t want her to view me from that standpoint. I wanted her to love me for who I am. While I’ve always wanted to make a lot of money I wish she would have loved me for who I was, for her to stick it out through thick and thin. I feel love should go far beyond money. I didn’t know what to do because I was trying, but it wasn’t enough.
Ok, enough of that. Back to my original point I was trying to make about what I’ve learned. The “money” piece of the relationship goes far beyond just money. It’s what it stands for, it’s the safety and it’s the security. W wants to feel safe and she wants to know things are taken care of. The stress of finances was always on her mind, it consumed her and she couldn’t take it anymore. That might not be the only thing that caused our separation but it was a really big part of it.
Going through this helped me realize I can’t view it from a “It’s only the money” mindset, it’s what’s behind it. I am sure that’s one of W’s love languages. I don’t think I could have started to work on my improvements until I truly grasped this concept and accepted it. Recently I’ve finally come to terms with what I need to work on to make myself a better person. Does it seem like I am on the right track here?
I highly doubt I would have this clarity without the help of the kind and knowledgable people on this board. I will always be forever thankful for your selfless acts.
Rough
Me(M):38 W:43 Together: 14 Married: 11 D: 4 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12 Currently DB’ing
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
