So do not be surprised if she comes at your very aggressively over the next week with determination to push your buttons.
You need to protect yourself.
I would get 2 Voice activated recorders and carry them at all times. This is legal in most places when you are recording your conversations. ( you can verify with your lawyer or read the laws of your location )
If she raises the bar to confrontation of a physical nature such as hitting or throwing objects. Remove yourself from the room to a safe location in your home and call the police.
Keep yourself and your children safe at all times.
Concentrate on yourself and them.
And take care of them. They will need it.
No arguing , no talking bad , nothing.
If they ask. Be polite and let them know they are loved.
You need to weather the storm that is coming over the next few weeks.
Eventually the enabled WW realizes that they cannot push your buttons so they will change tactics.
Your strength is to remain calm and respectful in all encounters and communication.
Take Care.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I hate to write this one. But I've reached a breaking point this weekend. I can no longer live with the conniving, lying person my WW has become.
I went to be on my own this weekend, planning to stay overnight camping. My wife ended up not only staying out all night that evening, but also Friday night and Monday night. She has been home over the weekend for a grand total of two hours Saturday morning, and that only because I was worried and called her that morning.
Then I discover she went with her lover to the beach and stayed there Saturday and Sunday. This is the week I look forward to every year to be alone with my wife and away from the kids, but she went with him on a vacation.
I can no longer stand this and feel I am just an enabler of her actions. I am planning on separating from her. I know that I should stick it out for another three months, but I just cannot do this knowing what happened. I feel like I'm failing the DB system, but it has reached a tipping point. I do not believe that she has any interest in saving our marriage, and my actions appear to make her be free to move further away, not closer.
Lord knows I'm all for a strong stand, WS, but I'm confused. You start your post by saying "I went to be on my own this weekend, planning to stay overnight camping," but then you say "Then I discover she went with her lover to the beach and stayed there Saturday and Sunday. This is the week I look forward to every year to be alone with my wife and away from the kids, but she went with him on a vacation."
Were you planning on being with her this weekend, or away by yourself?
Starsky
Starsky309,
I don't think he was planning on being with her because she has an affair partner. So he was planning on having some time to his self to reflect in light of the affair.
I don't think he was planning on being with her because she has an affair partner. So he was planning on having some time to his self to reflect in light of the affair.
I get that, DLS, but then why be upset that she didn't spend time with him?
I don't think he was planning on being with her because she has an affair partner. So he was planning on having some time to his self to reflect in light of the affair.
I get that, DLS, but then why be upset that she didn't spend time with him?
I think he get's upset about it because she made it a special time with the other guy, and even stretched it on further. It's almost as if she's pooping in his face and getting a huge laugh out of it.
I'm trying to figure out my own emotions on this one myself. I think DaddyLongShanks is right about how this is. Every year the kids would go away with their grandparents and my WW and I would use the time to make up for the times we had to parent and work. But this year, she spent all her time with the OM.
I knew she would do this somewhat, so I planned on going out for some of the weekend. But she has only been home one night this week, not just the weekend. She not only took full advantage of this week, she made sure I knew about it. She left her car and the OM brought her home from her trip, knowing I would be home. Then she only stayed home Tuesday night, and left in the morning. She left a note saying she would not be home until Friday. She is basically living with the OM this week, and I'm dealing with being at home alone and trying to figure it all out. It's a breaking point for me.
____________________________________ Me: 42 WW: 46 Married: 14y D-Day: 5/18/2012 D 12, S 8 Status: In my room, but A Continues
I'm trying to figure out my own emotions on this one myself. I think DaddyLongShanks is right about how this is. Every year the kids would go away with their grandparents and my WW and I would use the time to make up for the times we had to parent and work. But this year, she spent all her time with the OM.
I knew she would do this somewhat, so I planned on going out for some of the weekend. But she has only been home one night this week, not just the weekend. She not only took full advantage of this week, she made sure I knew about it. She left her car and the OM brought her home from her trip, knowing I would be home. Then she only stayed home Tuesday night, and left in the morning. She left a note saying she would not be home until Friday. She is basically living with the OM this week, and I'm dealing with being at home alone and trying to figure it all out. It's a breaking point for me.
I was also the unfortunate reciever of a WW that had gone from sneaking around to doing it to make sure it hurts me. I don't know how they get like that, but it's nothing to hold onto.
I don't like to relive mine, I just wish I listened much earlier and completely let go and got on with my life.
I have reread the post chatterbug and I'm prepared to deal with it. Actually, its quiet without her at home and I don't have to think about what she may say to me. If her plan is to go out with the OM more to make me upset, I don't see how that changes what she has already been doing. So far, not a great plan. Being alone [censored], but I'm starting to get used to it. This will make it easier to start NC with her and to continue to GAL. I'm still too attached to her.
I did talk to her on the phone, but I followed the rules on keeping it to kids and finances. It felt good to be just business with her and I could tell she was confused when she tried to start a friendly talk on the weather and I nicely said "I'm not sure what the weather is now. Anything else I can help you with? No, okay then good bye."
____________________________________ Me: 42 WW: 46 Married: 14y D-Day: 5/18/2012 D 12, S 8 Status: In my room, but A Continues
I have reread the post chatterbug and I'm prepared to deal with it. Actually, its quiet without her at home and I don't have to think about what she may say to me. If her plan is to go out with the OM more to make me upset, I don't see how that changes what she has already been doing. So far, not a great plan. Being alone [censored], but I'm starting to get used to it. This will make it easier to start NC with her and to continue to GAL. I'm still too attached to her.
I did talk to her on the phone, but I followed the rules on keeping it to kids and finances. It felt good to be just business with her and I could tell she was confused when she tried to start a friendly talk on the weather and I nicely said "I'm not sure what the weather is now. Anything else I can help you with? No, okay then good bye."
Over time you feel better and better for being "alone". You won't feel lonely. You will feel good. It's also going to be harder for you after this stage to be close to anyone else who doesn't really want to be close with you. It's going to feel uncomfortable. It's for your own good.
Maybe the entire time there were signs you just weren't seeing. You will come out of this with better relationships. Either with your wife or someone else.
