Vero, happy belated bday! Glad you had a good day.
Will keep your sonic my thoughts ((( )))
Come join the picnic. There is a big castle behind us, that we glance at every now and then but have all decided we are not going to try and get in anymore. Who ever is in there can come and see us if they want.
In the meantime we have plenty to drink, some amazing Lasagne and scones, a great play list and some dancing, and novelty underwear. We are sitting in front of an ocean and when we need to we go for a swim with zig's turtles.... See you there....
((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you for the birthday wishes!! I am a vivacious Hot MILF that just turned 38! Look out boys!!!LOL!
The weeks are getting better and BETTER!!! Thank God for prayer, meditation and support!! I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm getting closer and closer to it. Be it single life or reconnecting????
I have decided to stop inviting my bro and sis over to my house or events. It's too stressful for me to be worried about their issues with H. They have to resolve their own differences and all I can be is an example. **relief**
H n I spend more and more and more and more...time together. Hmmm....STOP!!! (I'm praying-God help me to stop obsessing about my sitch and what this means!)
S4 has surgery this Wed and I'm not freaking out, yet. This will be his 5th surgery and before I would tend to him. Now H will be doing it since D1 needs me and H really wants to step up to the plate. He will be spending the 2nights with him at the hospital and he will be spending the night with us for the week S4 is home recovering. H called and said, I can't wait to spend the night with S4 at the house. WHOAAAAAA!!! Was that MY H talking???? (me looking to my left an then to my right) Did he say he was looking forward to it?? THE SAME MAN THAT WHEN I SAID, S4 really misses you. Would you be able to spend the night once a week? -back in Jan- H replied, no!
Apparently he said he was in a different state of mind...ok...
Whatever. I will need him to help me with S4 since both kids will be super needy.
God help me to continue giving my sitch up to you.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
to be facing surgery for your little boy in the middle of all this - it is phenomenal that you can even write as calmly as you do.
and i think you made a great decision about your siblings - the fixer in us wants to make sure everyone is okay before we make sure we are ok. it may be that it only needs to be temporary until you can be more detached from their issues. I did the same with my brother - and it may not have changed his stance but it helped to take a lot of stress off me.
i think that it is wonderful that your h is stepping up to the mark with taking care of your s during this time.lots of opportunities for you to validate his actions
i don't know if it is the same for you, but i found out quite early in my sitch, that what i had thought about h not doing things like that, was more about me than him. it was me, through my actions, that prevented h from stepping up, and when i backed off, it gave him the space to do those very same things i criticized him for not doing. it was quite an eye opener for me!!
this time is really for your s, now, and no matter which way things go eventually for you and your h, what your s will remember is the two of you setting aside your differences and difficulties to truly come together for him. he's little now, but he will remember it in some profound way.
we'll toast to your family and everything going well, at the picnic - and if you need to, come visit us there
((((( )))) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
That's great news Vero!! What a fantastic development in your sitch. So happy that you two are spending more time together and seeing that it can work. That is such validating for both of you.
Why do I mess things up when they're good? Am I sabotaging my happiness? Am I afraid because I'm so vulnerable?
I brought up some stuff to H. Made the conversation turn into "poor me, you never understood me." when I had started out thinking, Oh I'm going to use this as an opportunity to let him know why I was so upset about xyz back then. I reverted to the old me, the pity party I enjoy having for myself.
So here goes, I feel that he was only with me because I got pregnant. We were dating for a year. Went on a 3week vacation together. Had an ok time. He started pulling away. I got pregnant. He totally pulled away for a week. I think it's because he wanted to end the relationship but felt responsible. During my pregnancy he was very distant. S4 was born and almost died (twice). I focused so much on S4 that I didn't mind how much he neglected us. I held in my resentment. We had a good period for about a year before I got pregnant again. My pregnancy was awful! morning sickness, dizzy spells, etc. I was not a happy camper and I was always in a bad mood. (plus that resentment wasn't helpful). H pulled away and had an affair.
He did things with her, he would never do with me. Held her hand at the gym, kissed her in front of the gym members, sat next to her at restaurants, had her sit on his lap for pix, took pix of them kissing, wrote very thoughtful romantic emails.
And here I am. He continues to say how important it is that we get along to coparent. I don't feel to happy about my sitch. I feel like he's only here for the kids. Not me. But I should feel fortunate that my kids have a dad, right?
I'm in a sudden lousy mood. I gotta thought stop QUICK!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Vero, there are 2 sides to your story. Maybe you were only with him because you were pregnant. I don't mean that in a flip way but maybe the R/M did get rushed. If you had dated for 3 months more maybe it wouldn't have worked out.
But here you are and all that does nothing for your current situation.
Let the past go.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
labug-I'm having such a hard time letting the past go.
For the past two weeks I have been sooo good! I would do all that I had learned when the thoughts/triggers came up. I was finally having a really really good week!
But this week has been so difficult. My son was supposed to have surgery today but it was postponed because he's had a fever since Sunday night. It seems as though my triggers overwhelm me when I'm at my weakest. It definitely felt like a test.
I would consume my day thinking of all these things that happened when I had to be focusing on S4 and D1. Today I was soo overwhelmed! I asked H for help and he came but I had to leave for a couple hours to get my sanity back. When I got home, H was trying to soothe inconsolable D1.
I have this lump in my throat and it won't go away.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
It's OK to leave and take a breather, with kids the ages of yours, it should be mandatory! And it's good that H was trying to console her. It's his responsibility just as much as it is yours. Did you take over when you walked in? Try not to if that is your habit-let the 2 of them learn to work through these things.
Hope you feel better today.
(((VP)))
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
