Thread #8 - It's time.

[Navyguy]

Tried talking to W last night about some of the details. It didn't go well...and we ended up going down the same old rabbit hole, going back and forth on our past.

Lots of her saying "you should have known better" and me saying "I don't see how I could have known, I never intended to hurt you". We're never going to see eye to eye on the past...I just need to accept that and stop those conversations before they start.

We did agree that our communication problems were the major reason we are where we are today. I asked her that we both really try to communicate throughout this S process...let's at least do it right this time.

W feels like I am not supporting her in getting a job and the separation process. I told her it is really hard for me to do. She specifically brought up the time where I was discouraging when she started talking about jobs. I admitted that was a mistake and that I had already apologized for that. But she kept on hammering me on it...basically telling me that if I loved her then I wouldn't ever say something like that to her. I totally want to support her, but at the same time, I totally don't want our M to end.

She said that if I support her and stay positive through our S it would really help her let go of a lot of her resentment toward me...so I told her I am going to do that. Just listen and be there for her. I know I don't owe her that...but it is what I want to do. This M is ending, and I would like it to end on as a positive note as possible.

Here's what we've worked out logistically so far:

W is going to try for a govt. job that pays in the $40-50K/yr range. I am going to do everything I can to help her with that, because it would greatly benefit both of us for her to get a job with steady hours, job security, good pay, and good benefits. And it would be a huge boost to her self esteem.

We both want a 50/50 split with the kids, despite the counselor saying that it's not good for them.

We both agreed that we are married until we sign final D paperwork, and that a R/sex with someone else prior to that would be cheating. We'll see how that goes. I want to leave the door open to reconciliation...she doesn't see how that could ever happen.

She wants to stay in DC. I am ok with that, and will stay in the Navy, at least for the next 2 years. I can always get out at a later time if they try to force me to move away from the kids.

IC today. Should have plenty to discuss.