Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[labug]

Good for your GAL activity!

Too bad you allowed your H's actions reverse your good feelings.

Your posts are all about H. It's good to have compassion for him and yes, he is going through something. We all are, everyday. To have compassion for others you also must have compassion for yourself. Take care of yourself first.

Forget about what he and OW may be doing (I know, difficult) but you can't change it. They will do what they will do. Worrying about it only hurts you. When you start to wonder, STOP! Train your mind to think about something else. Very difficult in the beginning but it get easier.

This is worth some thought:

like getting a new toy that he knows I won't approve of, and never did.

This is a judgmental statement. Remember you said you didn't think control was an issue? Were there other things you "didn't approve of"? Maybe he just knows he can do whatever he wants now and is doing it. No MLC needed, no spite involved, he's just living his life.

As far as MLC or not MLC goes, don't get too concerned about whether it is or isn't, you still work on you and let him worry about him.

And about the milk thing, it might tie into the above scenario.

I didn't think it was too bad but his view was it was the way I said it, no it was what i said, no well it was a combination of both, well any way you know what I mean...

Pay attention to this, as I think your H is telling you something. Words are a very small part of communication, body language and tonality account for greater than 90%. I was a master (and have to watch myself closely to keep from reverting) at saying something but using tone and body language to get my real message across. It did a lot of damage.

Think about how that might apply to you.