Do you regret your divorce?

[25yearsmlc]

So, Duke - if I asked your wife, what would she say were the three top things that you did that destroyed the marriage? And what are you doing to work on those issues now?

I guess she would answer:

1 Lack of affection and loving attitude - it is too late work on this


WHY? If you are around her (or your daughter) you can certainly reflect changes in that relationship, which our ex w will hear of. And no woman is unmoved by loving interactions between her child and the child's father. It's a turn on emotionally.


2 My irresponsibility and selfishness- I am improving my English, I am going to apply for master university degree, I dedicate my weekends to my daughter's lessons.

so you are changing those traits? Okay good. The more concrete 180s you do, the better. Do you have the Divorce Remedy books? Please get it and read it.

And See above comment. And when you say you dedicate your weekends to your d's lessons, do you have FUN with her

or do things SHE wants to do or SHE is intersted in? It's crucial to do that or she'll soon be old enough to say "no thanks" to daddy time.

3 Aggressive outbursts and non-constant behaviour - they were kind of provoked by her nagging and insults. I try being more calm and balanced person. I am going to renew my yoga practising.

aggressive outburts is a vague but scary term to me b/c my father was intimdating and he was physically abusive to all of us, now and then. It's really NEVER acceptable b/c most spouses will insult hurt or annoy you at some point.

You don't get to hurt them back...

I have 2 relatives who remarried their exes. They had kids.

So they had contact. A few years passed and they ALL changed themselves...

and the 2nd time around was better. Better communication and better commitment and more decent behavior on all counts.

One study suggested that almost 70% of couples who divorced 5 or more years before, were asked if they feel that they now had the skills to repair a marriage like they had.

So between 2/3 and 3/4 said THEY COULD NOW...but maybe it takes more time to know.

What do you have to lose by first building a good r with your d, finishing the career project you have started,

and just having coffee with your ex? If you have shown some changes in your life, you can share that WITHOUT highlighting it in a way that makes it look "tactical" b/c you want her to trust that the changes are real and lasting...not just to get her back. Esp if there's a money problem and she thinks you only want back in for the money.

Do you love your ex wife?

OIf she agrees to coffee, Talk about safe things like your d, ask your wife how she likes her job and how her family is doing, etc...and compliment her, make eye contact with her and LISTEN when she speaks...listen well...

In addition to the Div Busting or Divorce Remedy book read "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman. IT'll show you that for some of us, the way we GIVE love and the way we RECEIVE it are often different

and different from our spouses. My h expresses love with affection and wants that back and words of affirmation.

I express love with acts of service and quality time together.

there is no flaw or fault in this, just differences to respect. And pay attention to.

Don't turn away love b/c it wasn't wrapped the way you wanted...

Good luck.