Should I initiate R talk?

[Arsene]

This is mad. After such a high yesterday I feel so miserable today. There should be no reasons why today is worse than yesterday but for some reasons, OM is on my mind and I can't seem to shake him. I replay our evening of yesterday and I can just see her, laying in bed next to D8, looking so beautiful and then, it's like OM comes from out of no where and teases me and I push him out of my thought but her just comes back.

I thought I was ok, but I'm not. How do I move on from this stage? How do I live with the knowledge that the woman I love more than life itself is in the arms of an OM. And then I get angry! I ask myself, how can she do this? How can she believe that this is going to help her find herself?

When she asked me if I was seeing someone else, I should have told her that no, I wasn't. That I had no interest because in order to find myself, to be able to find happiness within myself, I need to make sure I don't jump in the arms of someone else, and find happiness there. That this is crucial to a personal search. It must be done alone. It's like an alcoholic replacing whiskey for beer. He's still drinking. He's not healing and he's just lying to himself when he says that there isn't as much alcohol in it so it's not the same thing.

I wonder if she realizes this. I'd like to hear from 25yearsMLC on this. Am I being too harsh on her? Am I disrespecting her choice to grow the way she chooses? I'm sorry 25, I'm not being disrespectful, I just want to know what would make a woman who is on a search for personal growth do such a thing? I want to understand so that I maybe able to better accept what she is doing. To stop the pain I feel when ever she's not around and my thought imagine her with him.

How can I justify this to myself? I can't!!! i wish I didn't know about him. I wish she'd not told me this way I could simply tell myself that she just wouldn't do that, no matter what the signs are.

This reminds me of the way Denver felt after he took his W and SS to the cinema.

what a horrible feeling.