Politely & calmly, go thru how you came about the letter like you did here and sum it up by saying you are just wondering how that address came to be on the letter. Its his choice to make the step whether it will be closer to you or further away. If he backs off, drop it, otherwise any more pursuit in the matter will just drive him futher away.
... and like Ellie mentioned, you may have just pick up on a residual aftermath of a past action that is no longer relevant today.
Almost a year ago he was arrested for DUI. He has since been on restricted license and done his time so to speak. In December he could apply to get it reinstated. He needed to do that before he could apply in WA. Plus he is in temporary houseing in Seattle.
He didn't want to say who's address it was. He just explained the license thing.
I asked if all his mail was being forwarded there, he said yes. OH GREAT! I asked if that was his "friends" address. He said yes, but that it was changing today. I told him that I had mailed him something and I sent it on Sat. He said that they were NO LONGER friends.
I explained that what I had sent I would prefer to remain between he and I. He was very curious as to what it was. I told him a letter. And to let me know if he didn't get it.
I told him he could have used my address and I wouldn't have done him wrong. He said, "I know". I told him I am always here if he needs anything.
He didn't want to talk much. Didn't say much about his family. Yeah I had a good time. It was nice. etc etc.
To be fair, I wasn't exactly Chatty about what I have been up to. But then its hard to make work, home, kids, animals sound interesting again....
I did tell him that I had some mail. Some things are still sent to our house. And to let me know what he would like me to do with it. I said that I would just hang onto it and maybe I'll see him soon, or when he gets things worked out he can let me know where to send it. He said OK, thanks.
Now I'm feeling like a kid, making a W with my hands...WHATEVER.....
I'm making the W with my hands too. Maybe we could start a stadium-like wave with the W sign?
Mr. Wonderful got a DUI in October 2002, and I know it forced some really unpleasant truths to light. I don't think it's a coincidence that our H's chose to medicate rather than address the issues that were trying to erupt under the surface.
You've had such hope lately that I would have to say maybe this interim yucky period is necessary for him to figure out that the problems keep following him in a suitcase, wherever he hangs his hat?
I wish I knew.
Until then, just give me a good old W.... and just keep swimming.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Info received ... WHATEVER ... the right attitude to take. Let it roll off your back and let it go. It residual from a past action and all that has changed.
Quote: KAW- was your W a MLC'er? If so, where was she when you apologized? What stage?
Was? ... Still!!!
My apology occured in a heart-to-heart talk we had about a month after she dropped the bomb of a PA & wanting a D. Suprisingly, this was before I learned about Michelle's books. But it was a talk that had a lasting impact on CAW and helped her assess that the changes I took on weren't only to lure her back into a M she no longer wanted, but genuine strides I was doing to become a better person. Karen is right ... words alone won't convince a WAS, but words to back up the actions help the WAS understand the true meaning behind the changes.
Quote: But then its hard to make work, home, kids, animals sound interesting again....
So what would you like to do that would get you excited enough to want to share with him the next time he calls? Plan to take time to do it. Make a pact that you won't try to contact him first until you have something interesting to share with him? This should help with when you start to question if you should call him.
I am in a similar position as you - a week away (less!) from legal separation. H knows my view on things, so now I will leave the ball in his court. If we go through with it, then that is OK too. I know that nagging him, manipulating him, pleading with or reminding him will NOT work!
Let's face it, even a D or legal separation, costly and uncomfortable as it is, is not the end. It may just be a milestone, of even a new beginning. Whatever. We'll be OK, sometime soon, maybe even now!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
"Under The Tuscan Sun" came out yesterday. It was a good movie about a woman whose H divorces her. Skims the emotions of the whole thing. But, as luck has it, a sign comes to her. Her lesbian friends end up not being able to go on a trip to Tuscany, they give it to her and there she finds a new life.
I wish someone would come up with a movie about how a M couple get back together. But this movies shows how she eventually found happiness.
Just think of the D as a bump in the road. It is a piece of paper, thats all. When we M our H, it was a bonding of hearts, of our souls! Even though our S's try to break that bond, it actually can't be broken. I know that I said recently that if my H went through with the D, I would leave. That the bridges will be burnt. Maybe they will and maybe they won't. Only God knows how our storys go.
Good Luck and know a D is not always an end, but a beginning of a new journey. May you both find the happiness you both deserve! With or without your S's
Quote: I asked if that was his "friends" address. He said yes, but that it was changing today. I told him that I had mailed him something and I sent it on Sat. He said that they were NO LONGER friends.
Don't go dark on him! He's telling you he's over the OW. You know he's seriously, clinically depressed, feels unworthy of you, and really really appreciates your friendship. Don't make it too hard for him to come home and don't punish him for something he did in the past - it has no bearing on your present R with him. Go back to cute emails or text messages, give him a sign the door is still open. Don't worry about the D, lots of people here have proven it's only a piece of paper.
This should help with when you start to question if you should call him.
