I txt W yesterday about some scheduled massages we have Friday and asked her if she wanted to go or have me cancel hers (I am defintely going). We had some flirting back and forth and she said she wanted to go. Today, she took the kids shopping for most of the day and ran some errands for us, then made dinner for the family. She had planned to stay thru dinner, but had a meeting come up so said she'd just get it ready and then go. I was really happy to see her and smiled the whole time...didn't take much for me to be upbeat in this case. I actually feel like a teenager again when I'm around her.
Anyway, W asks me if I want to do lunch before massages or drinks afterwards. I said sure, sounds great. She also says that she will be staying in the guest room Thur because she can't stay at her friend's or her B's. Then tells me how she's been sleeping on couches, air mattresses, etc and how much her back hurts. She just looked exhausted, and I really felt for her.
As she got in the car to leave, I asked her if she was ok and she said "no, not really." I asked, "do you want a hug?" And she said yes and she held on to me a long time. She went on to say she didn't like this, didn't like being away from the kids, or her home, and didn't like not getting along. I told her I didn't like her not being home either. I then told her we were playing uno as a family later and she was welcome to come back after her meeting. She looked thankful for the invitation, and said she'd let me know, but she looked so tired, I seriously doubt I'll see her. I know that was a little pursuing, but she was already planning on spending the evening with the kids...I just wanted her to know it was ok to take her meeting and then still do that. And I really didn't want the conversation to slip into something serious.
I felt really good....no pressure from me (or very little), no control, no anger or frustration. I even sidestepped the potential serious discussions here. I tried to keep it upbeat and tell her I was happy to have a "date" on Friday and enjoyed our conversation yesterday. Have to be careful with this stuff, as I know her LL is words of affirmation, but I also don't want it to seem like pressure.
Trying not to mind read, but my biggest concern is that she's going to want to move back in without any commitment to working on the relationship or even working on her own issues. The last year has really been hard for me....I'm not sure I can go back to that. I definitely can't take more of the EA or the destructive behavior. I guess I'll just keep an open mind, and try to focus on the moment and having fun. I actually might push any serious discussions to the weekend if in fact she decides to take the discussion in that direction.
